repurposed pillowcase

Abi has (finally!) been going through a growth spurt.  Strangely, even though she's been in the same size probably since Wesley's been born, it has caught me off guard.  We have been so blessed by others who pass their clothes down to us, that usually I just go pull out the next size up from my storage closet.  Problem being, nothing in the next size fits her!  She is now a size seven in length with a size four waist.  All of the sevens in the closet are regulars.  There was one slim, but it fell right off of her.  She has to have a seven slim adjustable waist.  It is absolutely crazy.

The girl on repeated occasions has come out wearing Wesley's pants that he has thrown into her drawer complaining of them being a little tight.  Somehow she didn't notice that they only came to her knees, only that they seemed a bit tight and she couldn't quite get the button snapped.  Ah yes, I've had lots of good laughs over those escapades!

We are making do with the size six slims and wearing boots over them to conceal the creeping capri look. And thankfully the next size shirts look alright on her.   However, the kid needed pajamas.  The size sixes weren't long enough to keep her warm.

Enter this beautiful fella.  An overly warm fleece pillowcase that came with a bedding set that I love to bundle under in the winter.  The pillowcase however was just a bit over the top in warmth, so I've hung onto it over the years not wanting to throw it away.  I mean, come on, it's brand new!

So I held them up to her to check on length, a bit long-score!  The pillowcase pretty much wrapped all the way around her, so I knew that wouldn't be a problem.

Now I am glad that I had made pajama pants for my brothers and dad for Christmas, it was a breeze and I finished in a half hour.  I'm sure it will take me longer to get this post up the way I want then it did to make those pants.

Here's what I did:

1. cut off the bottom seam
2. cut up the middle of the pillowcase (too bad I didn't think to take any pictures while I did this eh?)
3. cut a swoop for the crotch
4. stitch up the side seams
5. sew together crotch
6. make waistband casing
7. thread elastic
8. close casing
9. blog about it :)

Ok, if you're a visual person like me, I'm sure these set of directions are beyond unhelpful.  Here's the site that taught me how to make pj's (even if you know, check it out just to see the fabric the author used!):  http://www.instructables.com/id/How-to-Sew-Your-Own-Pajama-Pants/

Looks good right?

Now, even better.  She's gonna sleep warm tonight!

Tea Tower

For Christmas I received the cutest impractical gift.  A tea tower.  I say cute because it is red with polka dots and it all stacks nicely together.  Impractical because it is not microwave or dishwasher safe.  If you've never seen one, here's the link to what I received:
http://www.blueribbongeneralstore.net/5142-p-Home_Collection.html

They really are adorable, and it looks quite comfy sitting on my counter.  I just am not an impractical person, and having to boil water in another container to then transfer it to the teapot seems a bit ridiculous.  However, I didn't want to offend the givers, and since I knew it was an online purchase there wasn't any way of sneaking it back to the store for something more practical.  Phil suggested that I regift the tower, but that seemed strange too.  So I opted to keep it, and a few days ago called the kids over and we had a tea party.  I quickly boiled some water in the microwave and then steeped some peppermint tea (my favorite!). Loaded up the sugar bowl and added vanilla soy milk to the creamer dish.  I got out some coffee mugs for Abi and Lizzi, and a sippy cup for Wesley (that boy is not to be trusted with open cups, even though he knows how to drink from them he chooses instead to dump it down his front with a big grin and say uh-oh!).  The ladies sat up straight on the edges of their chairs and sipped sweetened creamy peppermint tea.  Wesley happily chugged the soy milk from his cup.  We had a good time, and when it was all said and done I was happy to have kept my tea tower.

I love getting ideas from pinterest,  and seeing how to make my own creamer intrigued me!  I love coffee creamers even though I don't like coffee.  I don't buy them because they are expensive, and well, there are a lot of things on the ingredient list that I cannot pronounce.  I figure if you can't say it, you probably shouldn't eat it, or at least not often!  Curious, I followed the link and saw that the author Carrie Vitt had managed a truly dairy free creamer recipe.  Hook, line, and sinker.  Make my own creamer with ingredients that I had laying in the house and it is dairy free too, count me in!

http://deliciouslyorganic.net/homemade-coffee-creamer/--check it out and make one of the numerous flavors that she's created, dairy and dairy free both.

The first creamer that I made was Carrie's almond joy.  I opted to leave the sweetener out since I had the cute little sugar cup that came with my tea tower.  I love how thick it looks while pouring it out of the creamer dish.  The almond joy lends a subtle chocolate flavor to my peppermint tea and I realized that it was kind of like having hot chocolate.  This of course made me curious to see how many calories would be in my little pot of tea (12oz).

16 calories/1tsp sugar
10 calories/1tbsp creamer

I guesstimate that I use around 2tsp of sugar and 2 tbsp of creamer for the whole pot.  So a little more than 50 calories for a delicious cup of tea.

I also have to add, that even though my tea tower is totally impractical, I am falling in love with it for more than just its cute looks.  I have found these last few days that taking the time to treat myself to a few slow moments is good for my mental well being.  There is something about the meticulous nature of serving the tea into the cup, pouring the creamer from the dish, spooning the sugar from the bowl, and gently swirling it all together, that is quite soothing.

When God Calls You Out

This morning as I was reading my devotional book and my Bible, God called me out.  You see, since the miscarriage I've struggled with my eating again.  Sneaking cookies and spoonfuls of sweetness when no one was looking, feeling compelled to binge.  Earlier this week the Spirit convicted me of my wrongdoing.  Yet the last two days I've found myself wandering back towards those yummies.  I wasn't hungry, it didn't even taste good, it was a sad waste of treats.  I justified it to myself that I was emotionally eating and 'dealing' with the pain of my loss.  But really my heart was giving God the finger.  So while I felt guilty and had this phrase in my back pocket and on my mind--Don't compromise My best for you for a moment of passion--I just didn't care.

I think that God got tired of being subtle about my sin because the words just seemed to jump off the page and scream at me:

     My Princess....Freedom Is A Choice

     So if the Son sets your free, you will be free indeed.  John 8:36

      I long to give you the keys to be free from the things that bind you and see you break through to a blessed life in Me.  But your freedom is a choice...your choice.  You can be totally free in Me or try to set yourself free.  I promise, My princess, I am the only One who can give you the life-giving keys you need and want. The keys are hidden in My Word, empowered by your prayer, and completed by the work of My Holy Spirit living in you.  Choose the way, My love....choose life.

Love,

Your King and your freedom

Ok God, you got my attention here.  How I have always longed to be free of my disordered eating.  I have loathed myself and those choices that I have made that imprisoned me, and have known that I cannot escape on my own.  I tried for years to dig myself out, but only managed to dig deeper.  I know that it is not possible to escape an eating disorder by my own power.  And here is the reason why (well, for me at least)--my disorder was born out of rebellion.  Oh sure at the beginning it was a comfort and a coping mechanism, but once I knew the truth and could have been set free by God's hand of mercy and grace, I choose chains.  As this revelation dawned on me, that I wasn't emotionally eating, that I was sinning, I  set down the devo book and cracked open my Bible.

Psalm 32 (and it couldn't get any more fitting than this!)

Oh, what joy for those

    whose disobedience is forgiven, 

    whose sin is put out of sight!

Yes, what joy for those

    whose record the LORD has cleared of guilt,

    whose lives are lived in complete honesty!

When I refused to confess my sin,

    my body wasted away,

    and I groaned all day long.

Day and night your hand of discipline was heavy on me.

    My strength evaporated like water in the summer heat.

Finally I confessed all my sins to you

    and I stopped trying to hide my guilt.

I said to myself, "I will confess my rebellion to the LORD."

    And you forgave me!  All my guilt is gone.

Therefore, let all the godly pray to you while there is still time,

    that they may not drown in the floodwaters of judgement.

For you are my hiding place;

    you protect me from trouble.

    You surround me with songs of victory.

The LORD says, "I will guide you along the best pathway for your life.

    I will advise you and watch over you.

Do not be like a senseless horse or mule

    that needs a bit and bridle to keep it under control."

Many sorrows come to the wicked,

    but unfailing love surrounds those who trust the LORD.

So rejoice in the LORD and be glad, all you who obey him!

    Shout for joy, all you whose hearts are pure!

I quickly confessed my sin of gluttony and rebellion to God and told him that I might need that bit and bridle until I can be a bit more wielding to His hand.  Instantly, the burden of guilt and shame and confusion was gone.  Tears filled my eyes as I thanked my Creator.  I told him that sometimes I wish that He would kill me with his vengence rather than drown me in his Love.  Because His wrath I am so deserving, but this unsatiable love that my God has for me is not only uncomfortable it is downright painful.  I am so unworthy to have him even look at me, and yet He does, tenderly look at me, and shower me with His favor!  

And so, I've been called out once again.  I have to wonder, what is it that God has in store for me?  I figure that there has to be a reason that He keeps bringing me near to Him instead of 'smiting' me!

What nine years will do to you!

Yesterday (Jan 4th), Phil and I celebrated nine years of marriage!  I'm sure that there are some people who never thought we'd make it that long since we were 20 when we got married.  But we're still together, and we've discovered that there probably isn't any other person who would put up with us, hehe, so we're gonna keep trodding down the path of oneness :)

Of course if I had any foresight I would have done this sooner, but I didn't even think of it until last night when I was getting ready for bed.  But picture posts are always great, so enjoy a tour of our lives together thus far.

Wedding Dress rehearsal.  Doesn't Phil have great hair?!

Wedding day Jan 4, 2003

First Christmas as a married couple 

our lives took a wonderful change Dec 5, 2004 when Abi was born

Christmas 2005

Christmas 2006

Aug 2007, pregnant with Lizzi on a little getaway before she came

Oct 8, 2007 Lizzi came and changed our family dynamic

Christmas 2007

Celebrating 5 years of marriage Jan 4, 2008

Spring 2009, Phil took me to see Celine Dion live in Omaha

June 3, 2010 laboring with Wesley.  Phil is an amazing support throughout all of pregnancy and labor!

ok, not a couple pic, but this is my favorite photo of Phil.  He just saw his firstborn son born and they share birthdays too, how amazing is that?!

This is what happens when you keep adding children, posed family photos go by the wayside!

Christmas 2010, going to see the nutcracker ballet in Denver Colorado

Fall 2011

Christmas 2011

What the 'internet' won't tell you

Another post on miscarriage you say? Yup, I've been saving this one for a while.  Glad I did or there wouldn't be a number ten to my list.  Kinda wanted to see how things would play out.  I'm sure that I can do a part two in another few weeks as I have a sneaking suspicion that I haven't learned everything from my personal journey yet.

When I first started spotting, I went to the internet to look for information.  If you've not ever been in a position to search for miscarriage info, then bless you dear reader.  If you have, you may have noticed how sparse and dismal the information is.

Most websites give you the generic rundown:
heavier than normal period cramps
bleeding with some clots
loss of pregnancy symptoms

I would like to expand that list by adding what I learned:

1. Just like birth, no two miscarriages are the same.
My first passed quickly and with only minor discomfort, the second was a force of nature to be reckoned with.

2.  It can feel more like labor and less like menstrual cramps.
When Caeles passed, I told Phil that I was upgrading my condition from achy to first stage labor.  I had contractions and knew it was only a matter of time before something happened.  Even in the middle of the miscarriage, I had urges to push, just like when birthing a live baby.  Achy back, hips feel like they were spreading, yup, my body was in full blown labor.

3. Cold sweats, nausea, uncontrollable shaking are all within normal parameters.
I really wish that I knew this piece of information when I had searched the internet.  When I had these symptoms I started to get scared that perhaps something was not right and that I might be in trouble.

4. There can be afterpains just like after the delivery of a live child.
Quite crummy yes, but that is the joy of ibuprofen.

5.  Your body may act like it's in a postpartum state.
You may experience hormonal fluctuations, arrival of breast milk, night sweats and frequent bathroom trips to decrease blood volume.

6.  Your body may look like a postpartum body.
Increased cup size, and flabby belly (even if you weren't showing yet!)

7.  Phantom baby kicks
I read this in the comments column somewhere on the internet and am thankful to have not experienced this.

8.  Retained morning sickness and heightened sense of smell during the intense grieving portion of loss (especially the denial stage).

9.  Debilitating headaches
Again, it is within normal parameters to have headaches that lay you up for hours or days at a time.  It's just your hormones trying to figure out what they are supposed to be doing.  Of course if it lasts more than 2 weeks, seek medical treatment as that may be a sign of something else.

10.  Strange menstrual cycles
Your body has just undergone a major hormonal adjustment, and just like after a live birth, each woman's period returns at different times.
You might have tissue fragments pass for the first few cycles as your body finishes cleansing itself from the miscarriage.  The smell of the first few cycles might be more reminiscent of postpartum bleeding than a menstrual cycle.
It might take a while to 'get regular'.  Again, major hormonal adjustment going on here, and every woman's body has it's own pace of getting back on track.

It is my sincerest wish that this will be passed on.  Miscarriage is such a hush hush topic.  I want to shed a little light on it, to help others, ease their suffering.  If I help just one woman, my own pain will have been worth it.  So please, post this on facebook, and twitter, I don't even care if I get credit or not.  Send it as a forward to someone you love.  Let's work together to get the word out so we aren't alone in our hurt.  Knowledge is power, so pay it forward.