When I saw the last time I posted on here, I was kinda surprised that it's been so long! I guess when I became an ostrich and hunkered down I didn't realize how quickly time has been passing me by. I know that shortly our world will be thrown into the mind numbing-sleep deprivation-beautifulness of adding a new baby to the family.
Which is why I've been quiet. Trying to soak up these last moments of just three kids. Trying to spend as much time together with them before I am wrapped up in everything baby. I've whittled my social calendar to practically nothing, and have chosen to stay in more often than not. I have absolutely relished in our peaceful quiet family nights. I love that six nights of the week we are all together. Some nights playing together, others listening to sibling bonds being forged.
My kitchen has been in use as well. Nothing new or exciting, other than the challenge of making a months worth of meals by skimming off the top of the last two months budget. I managed to fill up our deep freeze with only a $25 extension of my regular budget, a proud moment for me! Being a bit prideful, I've showed off our treasure hold, and I love hearing Wesley say 'I wunna see the mussins for when baby comes!'.
Today we took a family poll on all things baby. It was quite amusing to hear each child deliberate over their answers. And I must confess that 95% of the time, no matter how he is asked, Wesley says we are having a 'gee-url' or 'zizzy'. We are waiting to see if he is a baby guessing progeny like his Grandma Rose.
Here are our current kiddos stats, feel free to join in on the guessing fun right along with us!
Abi 12/5, 6:31pm, 8lbs 14oz 19.5 in, blue eyes, didn't sleep through the night until almost 2, colicky
Lizzi 10/7, 2:42am, 9lbs 5oz, 20in, blue eyes, didn't sleep through the night until almost 2, no colic
Wesley 6/3, 12:34pm, 10lbs 8oz, 22.5in, brown eyes, didn't sleep through the night until almost 2, no colic
Disclaimer: I have none of the usual 'feelings' on what this baby is, so my guess is just as much as a guess as anyones! Oh, and our due date is 1/28/2013
Abi guesses this will be a girl born on an odd night. Weighing less than 9.5lbs and shorter than 20inches before the 20th of January. Blue eyes, not a sleeper and colicky like her.
Lizzi guesses this will be a girl born on an odd morning. Weighing more than 9.5lbs and shorter than 20inches before the 20th of January. Blue eyes who's a sleeper and not colicky.
Wesley guesses this will be a girl born on an odd morning. Weighing less than 9.5 lbs and longer than 20 inches after the 20th of January. Brown eyes, not a sleeper and colicky.
Phil guesses this will be a boy born on an even night. Weighing more than 9.5lbs and longer than 20 inches after the 20th of January. Blue eyed sleeper with no colic.
Alicia guesses this will be a girl born on an even night. Weighing less than 9.5lbs and shorter than 20 inches before the 20th of January. Brown eyed sleeper with no colic.
Monday, December 31, 2012
Thursday, October 4, 2012
GF pumpkin muffins
I made a new friend, hooray! I know it sounds silly, but being an extrovert by practice only, I find it rather difficult to come out of my shell and reach out, really reach out, to people. I'm so glad that I did, she is such a sweet new mama (and the fact that her five month old grins like crazy at me is a double bonus!), and we have lots to offer each other.
When I found out that she had Celiac's disease, I was glad that I knew about it, and had a few recipes up my sleeve to be able to make for get togethers. Then new friend let me know that oats weren't acceptable unless certified gluten free. Gulp! There goes my little arsenal of recipes. Challenge accepted.
From past failures I knew that the two biggest challenges to gluten free baking was rising/lightness of crumb, and binding. My poor kids have been subjected to some less than stellar muffins, more crumbly than delectable crumb. I've found that substituting baking soda for salt helps with the rising factor, and now I tend to do that for all baked goods, gluten free or not. I was banking on the fact that eggs are good binders to make a yummy oat free muffin, and thankfully it paid off!
When the muffins were done, I opened the door and was greeted with tall fall smelling muffins. First hurdle jumped. After letting them cool for a few minutes, little hands started popping them out. The mmm's weren't too far behind. I looked at the table expecting to see lots of crumbs, and was delighted that there weren't any! Now for the final test, how do I like them? Excellent, even Phil thought so.
After delightful taste testing, I thought it might be prudent to double check with new friend to make sure that everything I used was kosher for her. Sadly, I learned that while my ingredients themselves were gluten free, two of them didn't come from a dedicated factory, so she wouldn't be able to eat them. However, these little gems are just too yummy to not share. And on the off chance that you have a friend whose gluten free needs aren't quite as strict as mine, or you want to change up your own muffin menu, here you go!
Adapted from The Best Pumpkin Muffins in Vegan with a Vengeance by Isa Chandra Moskowitz
1/3c + 1/4c corn meal
1/3c + 1/4c corn flour
1/3c + 1/4c corn starch
1c sugar
1 Tbsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp nutmeg
1/2 tsp ginger
1/4 tsp allspice
1/8 tsp cloves
1 cup pumpkin
1/2c milk
1/2c olive oil
3 eggs
2 tbsp molasses or sorghum syrup
mix dry ingredients together. In separate bowl, combine wet. Mix wet and dry together well. Bake in well greased muffin tin at 400 degrees until done. Isa's recipe says it takes 18-20 minutes. I don't know if my oven runs hot, or it's the nature of gluten free goodies, but it only takes 10 minutes for mini and 13-15 minutes for regular sized muffins.
Enjoy!
When I found out that she had Celiac's disease, I was glad that I knew about it, and had a few recipes up my sleeve to be able to make for get togethers. Then new friend let me know that oats weren't acceptable unless certified gluten free. Gulp! There goes my little arsenal of recipes. Challenge accepted.
From past failures I knew that the two biggest challenges to gluten free baking was rising/lightness of crumb, and binding. My poor kids have been subjected to some less than stellar muffins, more crumbly than delectable crumb. I've found that substituting baking soda for salt helps with the rising factor, and now I tend to do that for all baked goods, gluten free or not. I was banking on the fact that eggs are good binders to make a yummy oat free muffin, and thankfully it paid off!
When the muffins were done, I opened the door and was greeted with tall fall smelling muffins. First hurdle jumped. After letting them cool for a few minutes, little hands started popping them out. The mmm's weren't too far behind. I looked at the table expecting to see lots of crumbs, and was delighted that there weren't any! Now for the final test, how do I like them? Excellent, even Phil thought so.
After delightful taste testing, I thought it might be prudent to double check with new friend to make sure that everything I used was kosher for her. Sadly, I learned that while my ingredients themselves were gluten free, two of them didn't come from a dedicated factory, so she wouldn't be able to eat them. However, these little gems are just too yummy to not share. And on the off chance that you have a friend whose gluten free needs aren't quite as strict as mine, or you want to change up your own muffin menu, here you go!
Adapted from The Best Pumpkin Muffins in Vegan with a Vengeance by Isa Chandra Moskowitz
1/3c + 1/4c corn meal
1/3c + 1/4c corn flour
1/3c + 1/4c corn starch
1c sugar
1 Tbsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp nutmeg
1/2 tsp ginger
1/4 tsp allspice
1/8 tsp cloves
1 cup pumpkin
1/2c milk
1/2c olive oil
3 eggs
2 tbsp molasses or sorghum syrup
mix dry ingredients together. In separate bowl, combine wet. Mix wet and dry together well. Bake in well greased muffin tin at 400 degrees until done. Isa's recipe says it takes 18-20 minutes. I don't know if my oven runs hot, or it's the nature of gluten free goodies, but it only takes 10 minutes for mini and 13-15 minutes for regular sized muffins.
Enjoy!
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Memorable Evening
Back up with me to Sunday afternoon of Labor Day weekend. We were over at Susan and Jason's place (Phil's sis and brother in law) playing games. All the kids were either napping or contentedly playing. All of the sudden Rose (Phil's mom) announces that she wants to take all of the grandkids back to her house. We all turn and look at her like she's gone off the deep end. It may not seem like a big task, until you know the ages of all the grands. Our three are 7.5, a month shy of being 5, and 2. Susans' boys are 2.5 and 1. Three boys under the age of three. Yup, we were certain that she'd lost it. Rose however was very insistent that it'd be fun and they'd be fine. We promised to pray for her and keep the phones close.
After some car seat arranging, they were off, and all of the sudden we had two hours to do whatever we wanted! Phil and I looked at each other, and when I suggested tofu spring rolls, we were gone with a flash.
Side Note: We go to the Vietanne restaurant pretty much every time we get a date night, and if it's too far in between, Phil will actually go and get a take out order of the spring rolls. It's a place that we could take the kids, but most likely would be greeted with 'eww' and 'I don't like that'. For as many new foods as we like to try, and diverse eating patterns, Abi has decided to not like anything Asian. Well, except for sesame chicken and fried donuts, but that's more american asian and not authentic. So Vietanne (pronounced vee-uh-chung) is our secret little getaway. A family owned restaurant with amazing authentic food, and we go there often enough that 'Alex' (his american name b/cuz we americans cannot pronounce his real one) knows what we're there for. So if you are adventurous, go there and you're palette will never be the same. Even if you're not the pad tai will change your idea of what pad tai is forever.
Ok, plug over.
We enjoyed our spring rolls, and then decided to go look at this little farm right on the outskirts of town. We drove around taking the extra long way there, enjoying some good conversation on the way. In case you're curious, the farmhouse itself looks great, the property, not so much. But we've got to dream dreams, so it's always fun to look.
We get home and are nearing the end of our time, when Phil gets a text saying they're running a bit late and will be home in maybe a half hour. Then a few minutes later 'I'm keeping them for an overnight'. We look at each other and wonder if Abi got a hold of grandma's phone, and then call. Nope, everything is going so well that she really wants to keep all five of the kiddos for the night. I'm a bit nervous as Wesley had not been away overnight from me before, and I'm sure it showed as I started detailing his bedtime habits.
Stunned, Phil and I are kind of at a loss of what to do. We've not had a night without any kids since our babymoon trip while pregnant with Wesley back in April 2010. We start throwing out ideas. Go to the movies, do some work around the house, go out on the town. Each one gets shot down by the other. I don't want to pay to sit and watch a movie, especially with my annoying pregnant bladder. Phil doesn't want to do anything around the house because we could do that when the kids are home. With it being Sunday night there's nothing to do out on the town. 'We could try riding the tandem bike, I'll know in a block or two whether or not it'll be comfy for me'. Change of clothes, water packed, and we're off.
Since we traded Phil's road bike in for the tandem this summer we've not had the chance to go on it just the two of us. Usually we hook the bike trailer on the tandem and pull Wesley while the girls ride their bikes. It's quite the circus to see, in fact Abi saw someone taking pictures of us once!
I was quite pleased to discover that I could still belly wise be comfortable on the bike. That's the great thing about our tandem, as the passenger, I can sit up straight and just pedal. No leaning forward necessary. Since we were having a great time, and I could actually hear Phil, we decided to trek out to Hall Country Park. It's a 5.25 mile ride there from our home. Things were going great, we made it out there in splendid time. While I was in the restroom Phil got a text from his sister saying that Wesley was having a rough time. Cue mama guilt and concern. Contacted Rose to see if we needed to come get him, but she said she'd try a few more tricks with him, and thankfully he settled in just fine.
As I was getting tired and hungry, we turned around and headed back, with the plans to go back to Susan and Jason's for more games. We crossed Stolley Park road, when our front tire went totally flat. It was getting dark, so I was very grateful that Phil was with me. I'm a bit more nervous about being out after dark in Grand Island than I ever was in Kearney. With no other options than to push the bike back, we started out, hoping that Phil's sister would be home by the time we got there. No such luck, so we left the bike parked at their place and texted them to let them know what was up. It was about a 2.5 mile walk by the time we got home, and I haven't been so sweaty or shaky in a long time. Give the pregnant lady some props, I biked 8 miles and walked 2.5 with only some tofu spring rolls to tide me over!
We got cleaned up, ate some stick to your ribs food, and headed out once again, at ten o'clock at night. Now those of you who know me might be thinking that was a typo. I assure you, crazy as it may seem for this go-to-bed-around-9pm-each-night girl, I really did leave my home at 10pm! This is why I shouldn't have nights away from the kids, I self-destruct immediately. No, actually Phil had pleaded with me to stay up and enjoy some time with Susan and Jason sans kids. There was the promise of sleeping in for me the next day, and as much as dislike staying up late, I agreed.
Here's the next shocker, I agreed to play a strategy game. I'd much rather play word games such as scrabble, boggle, 3d scrabble, etc. However, Phil's whole family loves this game called Settlers of Catan. We'd just gifted them the Seafarers version as a 'hooray for signing on with GI clinic!'. Not only am I staying up late, I'm playing a strategy game. Not only am I playing a strategy game, I'm learning a new one, an hour past my bedtime, without any caffeine. Not only did I stay up hours past my bedtime playing a new strategy game, but I won! Usually halfway through the game I either get stuck or bored. It happened this time too, but no one else was doing much, and by golly, I wanted to go to bed. So I thought to myself, 'fiiiiiine, I'll take the looong way around and maaaaybe I can do something'. Winning my bedtime back never felt so good. Of course, next time I play I'll probably be the mark...
Phil stayed good to his promise and let me sleep in. Even more shocking was that I actually did, until 8:40ish! He made me breakfast, and then he cleaned, and cleaned, and cleaned, all the way until lunch. I teased him that he was nesting. He saw it as a way to continue to say thanks for sacrificing the night before, and helping me out with some little things that I don't get done. Like cleaning the front of the fridge, the sides of the table, the patio door. Little things that I can overlook because there is usually more pressing needs such as cooking, laundry, or general tidying.
It was a wonderful time, and when the kids came running in the door screaming we're home and running up to give us hugs, it ended perfectly.
After some car seat arranging, they were off, and all of the sudden we had two hours to do whatever we wanted! Phil and I looked at each other, and when I suggested tofu spring rolls, we were gone with a flash.
Side Note: We go to the Vietanne restaurant pretty much every time we get a date night, and if it's too far in between, Phil will actually go and get a take out order of the spring rolls. It's a place that we could take the kids, but most likely would be greeted with 'eww' and 'I don't like that'. For as many new foods as we like to try, and diverse eating patterns, Abi has decided to not like anything Asian. Well, except for sesame chicken and fried donuts, but that's more american asian and not authentic. So Vietanne (pronounced vee-uh-chung) is our secret little getaway. A family owned restaurant with amazing authentic food, and we go there often enough that 'Alex' (his american name b/cuz we americans cannot pronounce his real one) knows what we're there for. So if you are adventurous, go there and you're palette will never be the same. Even if you're not the pad tai will change your idea of what pad tai is forever.
Ok, plug over.
We enjoyed our spring rolls, and then decided to go look at this little farm right on the outskirts of town. We drove around taking the extra long way there, enjoying some good conversation on the way. In case you're curious, the farmhouse itself looks great, the property, not so much. But we've got to dream dreams, so it's always fun to look.
We get home and are nearing the end of our time, when Phil gets a text saying they're running a bit late and will be home in maybe a half hour. Then a few minutes later 'I'm keeping them for an overnight'. We look at each other and wonder if Abi got a hold of grandma's phone, and then call. Nope, everything is going so well that she really wants to keep all five of the kiddos for the night. I'm a bit nervous as Wesley had not been away overnight from me before, and I'm sure it showed as I started detailing his bedtime habits.
Stunned, Phil and I are kind of at a loss of what to do. We've not had a night without any kids since our babymoon trip while pregnant with Wesley back in April 2010. We start throwing out ideas. Go to the movies, do some work around the house, go out on the town. Each one gets shot down by the other. I don't want to pay to sit and watch a movie, especially with my annoying pregnant bladder. Phil doesn't want to do anything around the house because we could do that when the kids are home. With it being Sunday night there's nothing to do out on the town. 'We could try riding the tandem bike, I'll know in a block or two whether or not it'll be comfy for me'. Change of clothes, water packed, and we're off.
Since we traded Phil's road bike in for the tandem this summer we've not had the chance to go on it just the two of us. Usually we hook the bike trailer on the tandem and pull Wesley while the girls ride their bikes. It's quite the circus to see, in fact Abi saw someone taking pictures of us once!
I was quite pleased to discover that I could still belly wise be comfortable on the bike. That's the great thing about our tandem, as the passenger, I can sit up straight and just pedal. No leaning forward necessary. Since we were having a great time, and I could actually hear Phil, we decided to trek out to Hall Country Park. It's a 5.25 mile ride there from our home. Things were going great, we made it out there in splendid time. While I was in the restroom Phil got a text from his sister saying that Wesley was having a rough time. Cue mama guilt and concern. Contacted Rose to see if we needed to come get him, but she said she'd try a few more tricks with him, and thankfully he settled in just fine.
As I was getting tired and hungry, we turned around and headed back, with the plans to go back to Susan and Jason's for more games. We crossed Stolley Park road, when our front tire went totally flat. It was getting dark, so I was very grateful that Phil was with me. I'm a bit more nervous about being out after dark in Grand Island than I ever was in Kearney. With no other options than to push the bike back, we started out, hoping that Phil's sister would be home by the time we got there. No such luck, so we left the bike parked at their place and texted them to let them know what was up. It was about a 2.5 mile walk by the time we got home, and I haven't been so sweaty or shaky in a long time. Give the pregnant lady some props, I biked 8 miles and walked 2.5 with only some tofu spring rolls to tide me over!
We got cleaned up, ate some stick to your ribs food, and headed out once again, at ten o'clock at night. Now those of you who know me might be thinking that was a typo. I assure you, crazy as it may seem for this go-to-bed-around-9pm-each-night girl, I really did leave my home at 10pm! This is why I shouldn't have nights away from the kids, I self-destruct immediately. No, actually Phil had pleaded with me to stay up and enjoy some time with Susan and Jason sans kids. There was the promise of sleeping in for me the next day, and as much as dislike staying up late, I agreed.
Here's the next shocker, I agreed to play a strategy game. I'd much rather play word games such as scrabble, boggle, 3d scrabble, etc. However, Phil's whole family loves this game called Settlers of Catan. We'd just gifted them the Seafarers version as a 'hooray for signing on with GI clinic!'. Not only am I staying up late, I'm playing a strategy game. Not only am I playing a strategy game, I'm learning a new one, an hour past my bedtime, without any caffeine. Not only did I stay up hours past my bedtime playing a new strategy game, but I won! Usually halfway through the game I either get stuck or bored. It happened this time too, but no one else was doing much, and by golly, I wanted to go to bed. So I thought to myself, 'fiiiiiine, I'll take the looong way around and maaaaybe I can do something'. Winning my bedtime back never felt so good. Of course, next time I play I'll probably be the mark...
Phil stayed good to his promise and let me sleep in. Even more shocking was that I actually did, until 8:40ish! He made me breakfast, and then he cleaned, and cleaned, and cleaned, all the way until lunch. I teased him that he was nesting. He saw it as a way to continue to say thanks for sacrificing the night before, and helping me out with some little things that I don't get done. Like cleaning the front of the fridge, the sides of the table, the patio door. Little things that I can overlook because there is usually more pressing needs such as cooking, laundry, or general tidying.
It was a wonderful time, and when the kids came running in the door screaming we're home and running up to give us hugs, it ended perfectly.
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
cake donut pancakes
I cannot even begin to describe how wonderful it is to be feeling well again. I was starting to think that I was going to be ill the whole pregnancy! This is the perfect time of summer to be feeling well too. Everyone else's gardens are producing a plethora of veggies, and we have been the blessed recipients of that sharing. Now that I'm feeling better I can make great use of what we've been bequeathed. Yesterday found me in the kitchen whipping up a batch of Red Velvet Brownies. It used beets as the base. It was a meh kind of recipe, but if you want to try it out yourself I found it over at vegetarian times' website. I've also got a huge bowl of refrigerator bread and butter pickles waiting for the taste test. A zucchini in the fridge, and a couple of cups of cherry tomatoes (can you say sun dried tomatoes?!) waiting for me.
All of this leads me to be thrilled to share a recipe that I actually concocted. I will tell you that the idea for the recipe came from reading so many different ones over at chocolate covered katie. The inspiration came from needing so much extra protein. On one of the first mornings that I felt more human than zombie, I decided to make pancakes. My children have a strange love of the humble pancake, which I rarely share. In fact I usually make pancakes once a week. Since I get bored making the same thing every week, I try and come up with different cakes or syrups, depending on my mood. Not wanting to make two separate breakfasts and over spend myself too quickly, I decided that I would be eating along with them. But how to sneak the protein in? I never thought I'd say this, but I am sick and tired of peanut butter (when it's all you can choke down for weeks on end you probably would be too!), so I knew I didn't want to slather that on top of my pancake. Eggs and pancakes don't mix in my culinary world, so that was out. Hmm, but I do have a batch of white beans just sitting and languishing in the fridge. Casting a glance over my shoulder I notice that the now picky eating Abi isn't paying me any attention. So I go for it. Whip out the food processor, and blend some beans with other pancake like ingredients.
I'm sure that if you are anything like my husband, you just cringed hearing that I put beans in our pancakes. I opted not to tell them while they were eating so there wouldn't be any preconceived notions. The verdict, total awesomeness! Lizzi requested chocolate syrup on them since they were chocolate, and since flavored corn syrup is flavored corn syrup, whether maple or chocolate I agreed it would be a great idea. They loved it. I practically had to rub my eyes at how quickly they scarfed them down and (literally) licked their plates clean. When I finally got the chance to sit down and try a bite, I was pleasantly surprised. They reminded me of cake donuts. While I'm not a big cake donut fan, I did enjoy these little morsels with some chocolate syrup drizzled on the top. I'm sure there was a big goofy grin on my face knowing that I just successfully got my kids to eat beans without any negative remarks!
If you are having a moment of reader apprehension, ease your mind in knowing that Phil doesn't like beans unless they are in his chili or burrito. He has never liked anything that has beans blended into it. He's eaten these babies without a word otherwise, and yes he knew what was in them. Of course it may be him not wanting to hurt my sensitive pregnant ego, but my bestie has eaten them too and said 'not bad'.
And without further adieu....Cake Donut Pancakes!
If you get brave enough to try, stop back and comment on your experience!
All of this leads me to be thrilled to share a recipe that I actually concocted. I will tell you that the idea for the recipe came from reading so many different ones over at chocolate covered katie. The inspiration came from needing so much extra protein. On one of the first mornings that I felt more human than zombie, I decided to make pancakes. My children have a strange love of the humble pancake, which I rarely share. In fact I usually make pancakes once a week. Since I get bored making the same thing every week, I try and come up with different cakes or syrups, depending on my mood. Not wanting to make two separate breakfasts and over spend myself too quickly, I decided that I would be eating along with them. But how to sneak the protein in? I never thought I'd say this, but I am sick and tired of peanut butter (when it's all you can choke down for weeks on end you probably would be too!), so I knew I didn't want to slather that on top of my pancake. Eggs and pancakes don't mix in my culinary world, so that was out. Hmm, but I do have a batch of white beans just sitting and languishing in the fridge. Casting a glance over my shoulder I notice that the now picky eating Abi isn't paying me any attention. So I go for it. Whip out the food processor, and blend some beans with other pancake like ingredients.
I'm sure that if you are anything like my husband, you just cringed hearing that I put beans in our pancakes. I opted not to tell them while they were eating so there wouldn't be any preconceived notions. The verdict, total awesomeness! Lizzi requested chocolate syrup on them since they were chocolate, and since flavored corn syrup is flavored corn syrup, whether maple or chocolate I agreed it would be a great idea. They loved it. I practically had to rub my eyes at how quickly they scarfed them down and (literally) licked their plates clean. When I finally got the chance to sit down and try a bite, I was pleasantly surprised. They reminded me of cake donuts. While I'm not a big cake donut fan, I did enjoy these little morsels with some chocolate syrup drizzled on the top. I'm sure there was a big goofy grin on my face knowing that I just successfully got my kids to eat beans without any negative remarks!
If you are having a moment of reader apprehension, ease your mind in knowing that Phil doesn't like beans unless they are in his chili or burrito. He has never liked anything that has beans blended into it. He's eaten these babies without a word otherwise, and yes he knew what was in them. Of course it may be him not wanting to hurt my sensitive pregnant ego, but my bestie has eaten them too and said 'not bad'.
And without further adieu....Cake Donut Pancakes!
Cake Donut Pancakes
in a food processor blend well the following ingredients:
2 c white beans (if canned I would rinse off first)
2 c oatmeal
4 Tbsp brown sugar
2 tsp vanilla extract
1 Tbsp baking powder
2 Tbsp Cocoa powder
1.5 c milk (or to desired thinness)
preheat griddle to 300 degrees. Spray with oil or butter generously. Scoop batter onto hot griddle, silver dollar size works best. Cook like normal pancakes. Top with syrup of choice. Enjoy!
If you get brave enough to try, stop back and comment on your experience!
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Plot Twist
About two months ago, I had this dream that I was at my old daycare girlie's second birthday party and they announced that they were pregnant again. I told Phil about my dream, and he laughed and said yes and the plot twist was that they asked you to be their sitter, but in a double plot twist you had to decline because you were pregnant yourself!
We had a good laugh, but always joked about what if we had our own plot twist someday down the road. Earlier this spring we decided that after our loss last fall, we were perfectly content with our family, and were through pursuing adding any additional children. In a move that we hadn't done in a very long time, most likely years at this point, we started using the diaphragm once again. Since I am allergic to spermicide and using a diaphragm without it reduces the efficacy by 30%, I also prayed for God to keep my womb closed. Which He did.
Fast forward a few months, and I had a heart to heart with God. I told Him that I was struggling with our decision to say that we were done. Not that I wanted any more children right now, but I longed to carry life within me again. I left it at that, a longing that I someday wished to have fulfilled.
Throughout the month of May, my spirit was very unsettled, and I could tell something was happening. I'm pretty in tune with my body, so there were little moments that left me going 'huh, that's odd'. As the days before my menses was due, I was even more ruffled. None of the usual signs were cropping up, and my cervix was strangely closed. The day my period was supposed to start, I confessed to my sister that I feared I was pregnant. Wise lady answered, what will be will be and God will bring you through it. She of course thought I was crazy for thinking that when I wasn't even late yet!
The next day I found a reason to go out and buy a pregnancy test. It was so hard to wait until the following morning to use the test! I managed to wait, and tada, positive! Even when I am I fairly sure that I'm pregnant, that moment of going from certainly knowing to knowing for certain is quite shocking.
I quickly raced out the door for my morning prayer walk. Let's just say I had a lot to discuss with God. Ok, mostly question His wisdom and tell Him that I felt a little used. I tell you my real feelings and you step in and allow new life to form, are you crazy?!
I got home and debated about telling Phil. It was his last day of school with students and I didn't want to ruin it for him. But I decided that I was quite a wreck and needed him, and since it takes two to tango, I figured he was man enough to deal and support me. When I woke him up and told him that we had our own little plot twist, he was grinning ear to ear. He told me later in fact that he received this news the most joyously out of all of them.
Never in my life have I faced such opposing emotions simultaneously. One moment I'm elated, we are brining forth life once again, there will be a new member in our family! And in that same breath, utter terror. What if this one is bound for glory instead of my arms. I'm not sure I am strong enough to go through such a loss again. Each time there is a stretch in my womb these thoughts and feelings hit me once again. But I have decided to at least try and trust. Trust that everything will go in the direction of life and not loss this time. Trust that if loss happens that God will bring me through it once again. And choosing to love fiercely, because every day is a gift, and if today is the only day I get to love on this little one, than so be it. I will have no regrets.
Phil has been most tender and open to me these few weeks. The morning sickness and fatigue has hit me like a train wreck, and it takes a lot for me to get out of bed. Today I couldn't even manage it. I called him in the bedroom and asked if he could make me some breakfast because I felt to ill and weak to get up. That amazing man answered, 'already being taken care of, do you think you could handle some eggs?' And he tells me that I'm beautiful. Even though my nose is raw from a summer cold, my hair is disheveled, I'm an rare shade of gray, and I probably look as crappy as I feel. He laughs when I say, 'well the great thing about being sick is that I know I'm still pregnant', easing my fears. And he listens to each baby fact of the day that comes from my mouth. Which I can guarantee is more than just one!
Phil has probably told more people that we are expecting than I have! I love that he gets to say it with joy and excitement, and with none of the fear and apprehension that I have. He asks people what I am asking of you now. Pray for this pregnancy, and for Alicia. We are telling everyone early so that they may experience our joy alongside us. We are asking to be covered in prayer that we may meet this little one on this side of heaven. That everything will be alright.
Join us as our lives take a new journey. With a twist in the plot sometime around January 28, 2013!
We had a good laugh, but always joked about what if we had our own plot twist someday down the road. Earlier this spring we decided that after our loss last fall, we were perfectly content with our family, and were through pursuing adding any additional children. In a move that we hadn't done in a very long time, most likely years at this point, we started using the diaphragm once again. Since I am allergic to spermicide and using a diaphragm without it reduces the efficacy by 30%, I also prayed for God to keep my womb closed. Which He did.
Fast forward a few months, and I had a heart to heart with God. I told Him that I was struggling with our decision to say that we were done. Not that I wanted any more children right now, but I longed to carry life within me again. I left it at that, a longing that I someday wished to have fulfilled.
Throughout the month of May, my spirit was very unsettled, and I could tell something was happening. I'm pretty in tune with my body, so there were little moments that left me going 'huh, that's odd'. As the days before my menses was due, I was even more ruffled. None of the usual signs were cropping up, and my cervix was strangely closed. The day my period was supposed to start, I confessed to my sister that I feared I was pregnant. Wise lady answered, what will be will be and God will bring you through it. She of course thought I was crazy for thinking that when I wasn't even late yet!
The next day I found a reason to go out and buy a pregnancy test. It was so hard to wait until the following morning to use the test! I managed to wait, and tada, positive! Even when I am I fairly sure that I'm pregnant, that moment of going from certainly knowing to knowing for certain is quite shocking.
I quickly raced out the door for my morning prayer walk. Let's just say I had a lot to discuss with God. Ok, mostly question His wisdom and tell Him that I felt a little used. I tell you my real feelings and you step in and allow new life to form, are you crazy?!
I got home and debated about telling Phil. It was his last day of school with students and I didn't want to ruin it for him. But I decided that I was quite a wreck and needed him, and since it takes two to tango, I figured he was man enough to deal and support me. When I woke him up and told him that we had our own little plot twist, he was grinning ear to ear. He told me later in fact that he received this news the most joyously out of all of them.
Never in my life have I faced such opposing emotions simultaneously. One moment I'm elated, we are brining forth life once again, there will be a new member in our family! And in that same breath, utter terror. What if this one is bound for glory instead of my arms. I'm not sure I am strong enough to go through such a loss again. Each time there is a stretch in my womb these thoughts and feelings hit me once again. But I have decided to at least try and trust. Trust that everything will go in the direction of life and not loss this time. Trust that if loss happens that God will bring me through it once again. And choosing to love fiercely, because every day is a gift, and if today is the only day I get to love on this little one, than so be it. I will have no regrets.
Phil has been most tender and open to me these few weeks. The morning sickness and fatigue has hit me like a train wreck, and it takes a lot for me to get out of bed. Today I couldn't even manage it. I called him in the bedroom and asked if he could make me some breakfast because I felt to ill and weak to get up. That amazing man answered, 'already being taken care of, do you think you could handle some eggs?' And he tells me that I'm beautiful. Even though my nose is raw from a summer cold, my hair is disheveled, I'm an rare shade of gray, and I probably look as crappy as I feel. He laughs when I say, 'well the great thing about being sick is that I know I'm still pregnant', easing my fears. And he listens to each baby fact of the day that comes from my mouth. Which I can guarantee is more than just one!
Phil has probably told more people that we are expecting than I have! I love that he gets to say it with joy and excitement, and with none of the fear and apprehension that I have. He asks people what I am asking of you now. Pray for this pregnancy, and for Alicia. We are telling everyone early so that they may experience our joy alongside us. We are asking to be covered in prayer that we may meet this little one on this side of heaven. That everything will be alright.
Join us as our lives take a new journey. With a twist in the plot sometime around January 28, 2013!
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Intentional Spontaneity
I love being spontaneous. Call me up and want to hang out? Sure, sounds great. Random day trip, you bet. Mom, want to play house? Not now. Actually, not ever. I get so danged bored with trying to engage in imaginative play. When I do, I only make it a few minutes.
In fact, playing with my kids is probably the hardest thing I do as a mom. Cook, clean, wipe bottoms, no problems there. Shocking? Perhaps yes, perhaps no. I am a very determined first born. If I don't see value in my task then I probably won't do it. Oh yes, the teacher in me knows that kids need to explore, create, imagine. I try and create those possibilities all the time. Just so long as I don't get dragged in.
However, I noticed something these last few months. Abi is blossoming into a young lady. No longer the little girl who would prefer to be with her mom. She runs in the door, drops off her backpack, says hi, maybe eats a snack, and then is out the door to play with the neighborhood kids. I realized that her childhood is slipping away like sand through an hourglass. She already knows the 'truth' about Santa, the tooth fairy, and any other imaginative being.
The nice thing about first children, is you find out some things that work, and some things that don't. And as I've watched her run off to be with her peers, I realized that I wronged her by not playing more. I always found some other task to do more often than not. Truth hurts, but it is also an excellent teacher. Now I'm trying to be more spontaneous with them. Trying to sneak something in each day. It is very hard for me. Last week, included a surprise picnic to the park, bike ride across town, giggle/tickle fest, playing in the sprinklers, and making breakfast together. I struck out in the activity yesterday, but scored big in chatting together.
This morning was very rewarding for me. We built marble race tracks for an hour together before a friend came and they did it another hour together. It was strange to me that it was almost 10 o'clock and I hadn't 'done' anything except make and clean up breakfast and play with my children. And yet I had just as much satisfaction as I did had I been doing chores all morning.
I'm trying to let some of my need for clean go. It is needed for both the children and myself. I want them to remember me as a fun loving mom, not some lady who just cooked and cleaned. And if intentional spontaneity is the way I can achieve that goal, well then, so be it!
In fact, playing with my kids is probably the hardest thing I do as a mom. Cook, clean, wipe bottoms, no problems there. Shocking? Perhaps yes, perhaps no. I am a very determined first born. If I don't see value in my task then I probably won't do it. Oh yes, the teacher in me knows that kids need to explore, create, imagine. I try and create those possibilities all the time. Just so long as I don't get dragged in.
However, I noticed something these last few months. Abi is blossoming into a young lady. No longer the little girl who would prefer to be with her mom. She runs in the door, drops off her backpack, says hi, maybe eats a snack, and then is out the door to play with the neighborhood kids. I realized that her childhood is slipping away like sand through an hourglass. She already knows the 'truth' about Santa, the tooth fairy, and any other imaginative being.
The nice thing about first children, is you find out some things that work, and some things that don't. And as I've watched her run off to be with her peers, I realized that I wronged her by not playing more. I always found some other task to do more often than not. Truth hurts, but it is also an excellent teacher. Now I'm trying to be more spontaneous with them. Trying to sneak something in each day. It is very hard for me. Last week, included a surprise picnic to the park, bike ride across town, giggle/tickle fest, playing in the sprinklers, and making breakfast together. I struck out in the activity yesterday, but scored big in chatting together.
This morning was very rewarding for me. We built marble race tracks for an hour together before a friend came and they did it another hour together. It was strange to me that it was almost 10 o'clock and I hadn't 'done' anything except make and clean up breakfast and play with my children. And yet I had just as much satisfaction as I did had I been doing chores all morning.
I'm trying to let some of my need for clean go. It is needed for both the children and myself. I want them to remember me as a fun loving mom, not some lady who just cooked and cleaned. And if intentional spontaneity is the way I can achieve that goal, well then, so be it!
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
sneaky green smoothie
Today with it being so hot I knew the kids would appreciate something cold to sip on for snack time. Knowing that the veggies had been a little lacking for lunch (someone please figure out why they don't like baby carrots!), I decided to go all sneaky chef on them. A while back I had in my possession an email that told of a chocolate pea smoothie. I have been thinking about it ever since. Could the taste of peas really be covered up by bananas and cocoa?
Of course once I set out to find said recipe, it was no where in sight! After a few minutes searching, I opted to just wing it. When I sampled the smoothie it just tasted like soft serve chocolate ice cream, I knew it was a go. The mmm's that my ears heard had told me I was successful. This is a very loosely based recipe, so take it as it is!
2 handfuls frozen peas
1 frozen banana broke into segments
splash of vanilla
1 tbsp cocoa powder
milk to thin to desired consistency
(Upon tasting it seemed just a bit bitter from the cocoa, so then I drizzled the top with just a dab of maple flavored agave syrup.)
blend until smooth and somewhere in between milkshake tendency and soft serve ice cream. Serve and smile because you just got some greens in your kiddos :)
Note: I did tell the kids that they had a vegetable in their smoothie later after they had eaten it and declared it yummy. I told them they wouldn't believe what was in there even if I said so. They chose to know and were totally surprised, and then asked if we could try that with frozen corn sometime.
Of course once I set out to find said recipe, it was no where in sight! After a few minutes searching, I opted to just wing it. When I sampled the smoothie it just tasted like soft serve chocolate ice cream, I knew it was a go. The mmm's that my ears heard had told me I was successful. This is a very loosely based recipe, so take it as it is!
2 handfuls frozen peas
1 frozen banana broke into segments
splash of vanilla
1 tbsp cocoa powder
milk to thin to desired consistency
(Upon tasting it seemed just a bit bitter from the cocoa, so then I drizzled the top with just a dab of maple flavored agave syrup.)
blend until smooth and somewhere in between milkshake tendency and soft serve ice cream. Serve and smile because you just got some greens in your kiddos :)
Note: I did tell the kids that they had a vegetable in their smoothie later after they had eaten it and declared it yummy. I told them they wouldn't believe what was in there even if I said so. They chose to know and were totally surprised, and then asked if we could try that with frozen corn sometime.
Friday, April 20, 2012
The Power of Friendships
Today was the last day of MOPS for the 2011-2012 school year. We had a few of the ladies share their stories 'how I became the mother I am'. All of three of them were so very touching. One gal shared about how she woke up at 5wks pregnant with heavy spotting. My heart skipped a beat, and I'm sure my breath caught. And as she told the story of how not only was she afraid of losing her baby, her eldest had been 'misplaced' at church and she was frantically running around looking for her child asking God if she was supposed to lose both of her babies that day. Thankfully, her baby lived, and her child was found.
All of the sudden I was right back to my own story. Bleeding, but not knowing whether life remained. And also remembering how terrified I was that day of losing my oldest as well when she didn't come home from school and no one could find her. I can imagine there was a lot of raw emotion on my face as those memories came flooding back. Then my dear friend Rebecca caught my hand and just held it through the rest of the speaker's story. I didn't tell her how much I needed that. She won't have a clue (unless she reads this) that her holding my hand got me through the speaker, helped me keep my composure. What a testament to the power of a true friend. She knew my pain and reached out to me in such a simple, but powerfully needed way. Rebecca always says that women need each other, boy was that true for me today!
I have been reflecting on friendship this week. See, after the miscarriage I took a long break from Facebook. It was a time that I needed to crawl inside of myself to grieve. Sure I felt lonely and disconnected, but I have never felt closer to my Maker than I did in those months. I have 'reconnected' with Facebook in the last week. At first I told myself only at night. Then it was only during times when Wesley was nursing. Then all of the sudden I am finding myself checking Facebook every few hours, looking to see if anyone has posted. I am especially curious about posts in a few of the groups I am involved in. I wouldn't call myself obsessed with Facebook, but I can see that it has taken an unhealthy role in my daily life. I just want to know what other people are doing, and it just strikes me as odd that I am more interested about people from distant pasts, or strangers whom I've never met instead of my friends. I realized that I haven't reached out and met up or called many people this week, because I was finding friendship fulfillment through cyber relationships!
What a sad culture we live in that we are more connected with our devices than people. That we would rather read about or watch others lives on a screen than know our next door neighbors. I am guilty. In the almost three years we've been on our block I have only met people from four of the eight houses that are in the cul de sac.
I don't know how to change our society, but I can be the change I want to see right? I can choose to seek out people instead of screens. My computer will never give me a hug or a shoulder to cry on. Because when I see ((((hugs)))) on the screen, I sure don't feel comforted. It just makes me feel more alone and isolated.
I am not a rock, I am not an island. I am a woman who needs the power of her friends to carry her through this life, as only friends can do.
All of the sudden I was right back to my own story. Bleeding, but not knowing whether life remained. And also remembering how terrified I was that day of losing my oldest as well when she didn't come home from school and no one could find her. I can imagine there was a lot of raw emotion on my face as those memories came flooding back. Then my dear friend Rebecca caught my hand and just held it through the rest of the speaker's story. I didn't tell her how much I needed that. She won't have a clue (unless she reads this) that her holding my hand got me through the speaker, helped me keep my composure. What a testament to the power of a true friend. She knew my pain and reached out to me in such a simple, but powerfully needed way. Rebecca always says that women need each other, boy was that true for me today!
I have been reflecting on friendship this week. See, after the miscarriage I took a long break from Facebook. It was a time that I needed to crawl inside of myself to grieve. Sure I felt lonely and disconnected, but I have never felt closer to my Maker than I did in those months. I have 'reconnected' with Facebook in the last week. At first I told myself only at night. Then it was only during times when Wesley was nursing. Then all of the sudden I am finding myself checking Facebook every few hours, looking to see if anyone has posted. I am especially curious about posts in a few of the groups I am involved in. I wouldn't call myself obsessed with Facebook, but I can see that it has taken an unhealthy role in my daily life. I just want to know what other people are doing, and it just strikes me as odd that I am more interested about people from distant pasts, or strangers whom I've never met instead of my friends. I realized that I haven't reached out and met up or called many people this week, because I was finding friendship fulfillment through cyber relationships!
What a sad culture we live in that we are more connected with our devices than people. That we would rather read about or watch others lives on a screen than know our next door neighbors. I am guilty. In the almost three years we've been on our block I have only met people from four of the eight houses that are in the cul de sac.
I don't know how to change our society, but I can be the change I want to see right? I can choose to seek out people instead of screens. My computer will never give me a hug or a shoulder to cry on. Because when I see ((((hugs)))) on the screen, I sure don't feel comforted. It just makes me feel more alone and isolated.
I am not a rock, I am not an island. I am a woman who needs the power of her friends to carry her through this life, as only friends can do.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Hospitality Hostess
For the first time in a long while, I accepted a leadership position. It didn't come easy. You see, I consistently score so low on leadership for personality tests that it's not even worth the while to figure my total. The few times that I've tried to take up a leader role, it has miserably failed. Groups disbanding, not ever even starting outside of me and my ideas. So I did not go lightly into the venture of accepting a leading role for MOPS next year. I prayed and felt convicted that serving for hospitality would be something that I could do.
MOPS--mothers of preschoolers. It has been my link to nearly every person I know in Grand Island outside of family. I love going, it's a wonderful time to connect with other women, and the kids are in their own little rooms, much like Sunday school. Every year I have been asked if I'd be willing to help serve, and every year the response was 'no thanks I just want to come and enjoy, I'm not much of a leader anyways'.
What changed? Certainly not me. I'm still just as much as a follower as ever. Just my perspective on what leading can look like. Which is why hospitality is the perfect place for me to lead. Because it's not really leading, it's serving. I will be in charge of arranging who is bringing brunch, setting up the meeting room, and tearing it down each time. There isn't any public speaking. No one will be looking to me for answers or guidance. Our little branch of MOPS won't collapse (hopefully!) just because I'm 'leading'.
I will get to make the room be what everyone has always seen. Set up, organized, decorated, welcoming. All ready for them to come and enjoy. Do you see what I am getting at? It's behind the scenes work. A place to give back, but not in a very obvious way. It's a job that people don't think about, because it is done when they are away. And that's the way I like it. I love working in the background where no one notices. It's the perfect place for this follower, and I'm excited to give back to an organization that has brought so many positive people and experiences into my life.
MOPS--mothers of preschoolers. It has been my link to nearly every person I know in Grand Island outside of family. I love going, it's a wonderful time to connect with other women, and the kids are in their own little rooms, much like Sunday school. Every year I have been asked if I'd be willing to help serve, and every year the response was 'no thanks I just want to come and enjoy, I'm not much of a leader anyways'.
What changed? Certainly not me. I'm still just as much as a follower as ever. Just my perspective on what leading can look like. Which is why hospitality is the perfect place for me to lead. Because it's not really leading, it's serving. I will be in charge of arranging who is bringing brunch, setting up the meeting room, and tearing it down each time. There isn't any public speaking. No one will be looking to me for answers or guidance. Our little branch of MOPS won't collapse (hopefully!) just because I'm 'leading'.
I will get to make the room be what everyone has always seen. Set up, organized, decorated, welcoming. All ready for them to come and enjoy. Do you see what I am getting at? It's behind the scenes work. A place to give back, but not in a very obvious way. It's a job that people don't think about, because it is done when they are away. And that's the way I like it. I love working in the background where no one notices. It's the perfect place for this follower, and I'm excited to give back to an organization that has brought so many positive people and experiences into my life.
Monday, April 2, 2012
Lentil Sandwich Spread
I adore peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. They are super yummy, filling, cheap, and good for you. That being said, the humble sandwich leaves much to be desired in the warmer months, especially when it comes to picnic fare. We think that picnics are wonderful, but sometimes that sweet sandwich just doesn't fit the bill for me. I like more savory sandwiches for lunch, pb&j is more of a breakfast food for me personally.
Yesterday morning the phone rang, and Phil's mom decided that since it was so beautiful out we should picnic for lunch out at Hall County Park (which if you've never been there, it is such a wonderful hidden little slice of heaven for Grand Island!). I said we'd bring the sandwiches and fruit if she brought the chips. Then I realized once I hung up that I had neglected to remember that I didn't have anything to fill my sandwich with! As Phil was slapping together some meat and cheese sandwiches, I was huffing to myself about what to make. I didn't have any beans made, otherwise a chickpea salad sandwich would have been perfect. I almost threw in the towel to opt for pb&j but then decided it would be worth the effort to cook up some lentils. Let me tell you I am so glad that I did! The color and texture reminded me of tuna salad, but the flavor was all it's own. With some smoky chipotle chili's in the background, this sandwich filled my need for a savory sandwich.
My measurements are just approximate as I dumped and whizzed it up in the mini food processor until it seemed about right.
1 cup cooked lentils
2 tbsp ranch dressing
1/4 chipotle chili pepper (I just snipped a piece off a canned chili pepper)
1/4 roasted red bell pepper (I had the jarred variety sitting in my fridge)
I made it fairly thick so it was pretty 'pasty' and able to stay on the bread. I think it would also be an excellent dip if thinned out with some more ranch and/or mayonaise. The only thing that would have made it better was to have some banana pepper rings on top!
Yesterday morning the phone rang, and Phil's mom decided that since it was so beautiful out we should picnic for lunch out at Hall County Park (which if you've never been there, it is such a wonderful hidden little slice of heaven for Grand Island!). I said we'd bring the sandwiches and fruit if she brought the chips. Then I realized once I hung up that I had neglected to remember that I didn't have anything to fill my sandwich with! As Phil was slapping together some meat and cheese sandwiches, I was huffing to myself about what to make. I didn't have any beans made, otherwise a chickpea salad sandwich would have been perfect. I almost threw in the towel to opt for pb&j but then decided it would be worth the effort to cook up some lentils. Let me tell you I am so glad that I did! The color and texture reminded me of tuna salad, but the flavor was all it's own. With some smoky chipotle chili's in the background, this sandwich filled my need for a savory sandwich.
My measurements are just approximate as I dumped and whizzed it up in the mini food processor until it seemed about right.
1 cup cooked lentils
2 tbsp ranch dressing
1/4 chipotle chili pepper (I just snipped a piece off a canned chili pepper)
1/4 roasted red bell pepper (I had the jarred variety sitting in my fridge)
I made it fairly thick so it was pretty 'pasty' and able to stay on the bread. I think it would also be an excellent dip if thinned out with some more ranch and/or mayonaise. The only thing that would have made it better was to have some banana pepper rings on top!
Friday, March 23, 2012
sunny muffins revamped
Just in case I haven't mentioned it lately. I love Isa Chandra Moskowitz's Vegan With A Vengeance cookbook. Her whit and charm still delight me, even though I've read through it a few times now. Last night the kids peeked over my shoulder at a baked oatmeal muffin recipe. They were pretty disappointed that I didn't have everything to make them, but I cheered them up with the enticement of a new muffin flavor in the morning. I dutifully flipped open the previously mentioned cookbook when Isa's Suny Blueberry-Corn muffins caught my eye. I've read through it before, but haven't ever actually made them. I figured these babies would fit the bill.
This morning, I drug myself out of bed earlier than I would have liked (I know, strange words coming from this early bird's mouth!) and trotted off to the kitchen. Since I am dabbling in the world of gluten free baking, I really wanted to try to makeover these muffins. And I had the baked oatmeal gems on my mind too. I decided to combine them both and see what would happen.
The most helpful article I've read thus far about gf muffins inspired my mix for the morning. Here it is in case you need a reference:
http://glutenfreegirl.com/gluten-free-whole-grain-muffins/
The batter was a bit more stiff than I was used to, which caused me some concern, but the overall muffin was just divine! In fact, I usually make muffins on Fridays so the kids can munch on them for Saturday breakfast too. However, everyone gobbled these babies up (even Phil and Wesley who usually don't partake in anylove eating of muffins), and there wasn't even a morsel left! The crumb was silky smooth with an almost cupcake like texture, in between the toothsome bites of oatmeal (can you tell I read cookbooks for pleasure?!).
Ok, I won't keep you waiting any longer. I would wager to say that you could go whip these little delights up right now as almost everything is a pantry staple (at least it is for me!).
2/3 cup oatmeal
2/3 cup masa harina/ corn flour (used to make tamales, I would guess that corn meal would work great too)
2/3 cup corn starch
1 tbsp + 1/4 tsp baking powder
heaping 1/4 tsp salt
scant 1/3 cup sugar
1/4 cup oil
1/4 cup applesauce
3/4 cup soymilk
1 tsp vanilla
1 tsp dried lemon zest
1 1/4 c blueberries (or more if you like them super fruity)
Preheat oven to 400. Grease or line muffin pan.
Mix dry ingredients together.
In separate bowl, blend wet ingredients.
Combine and stir until mixed.
Fold in blueberries
Scoop out into muffin pan
Bake 10 minutes or until done.
I think that my oven runs hot because it never takes me as long to get through my baking compared to the recipes I work with, so adjust accordingly. And yes, I know I should invest in an oven thermometer, but I don't make anything as of yet that calls for an exact temp, so I just roll with the punches!
This morning, I drug myself out of bed earlier than I would have liked (I know, strange words coming from this early bird's mouth!) and trotted off to the kitchen. Since I am dabbling in the world of gluten free baking, I really wanted to try to makeover these muffins. And I had the baked oatmeal gems on my mind too. I decided to combine them both and see what would happen.
The most helpful article I've read thus far about gf muffins inspired my mix for the morning. Here it is in case you need a reference:
http://glutenfreegirl.com/gluten-free-whole-grain-muffins/
The batter was a bit more stiff than I was used to, which caused me some concern, but the overall muffin was just divine! In fact, I usually make muffins on Fridays so the kids can munch on them for Saturday breakfast too. However, everyone gobbled these babies up (even Phil and Wesley who usually don't partake in any
Ok, I won't keep you waiting any longer. I would wager to say that you could go whip these little delights up right now as almost everything is a pantry staple (at least it is for me!).
2/3 cup oatmeal
2/3 cup masa harina/ corn flour (used to make tamales, I would guess that corn meal would work great too)
2/3 cup corn starch
1 tbsp + 1/4 tsp baking powder
heaping 1/4 tsp salt
scant 1/3 cup sugar
1/4 cup oil
1/4 cup applesauce
3/4 cup soymilk
1 tsp vanilla
1 tsp dried lemon zest
1 1/4 c blueberries (or more if you like them super fruity)
Preheat oven to 400. Grease or line muffin pan.
Mix dry ingredients together.
In separate bowl, blend wet ingredients.
Combine and stir until mixed.
Fold in blueberries
Scoop out into muffin pan
Bake 10 minutes or until done.
I think that my oven runs hot because it never takes me as long to get through my baking compared to the recipes I work with, so adjust accordingly. And yes, I know I should invest in an oven thermometer, but I don't make anything as of yet that calls for an exact temp, so I just roll with the punches!
Monday, March 12, 2012
dabbling
I've been interested in eating more gluten free foods for quite some time now, due to having met people with Celiac's disease and gluten sensitivity. I've read some cookbooks, and followed some leads on the internet. However, it has just sat on the back burner for quite some time.
A month ago, I went in to see my doctor who thankfully happens to be my sister (in-law, for clarification's purposes), as my thyroid was swollen. This wasn't the first time, but to play it safe I had it checked out, family history and all being what it is. All the lab work came out fine (phew!), and sis charted it as postpartum thyroiditis (ah yes, another byproduct of my miscarriage, will it never end?). Being the motivated person I am, I asked sis if there was anything I could add or take away from my diet to help stave off any future problems. The answer I got back was 'if it's going to happen, it's going to happen'. I breathed a sigh of relief, gave her a hug and went my merry way home.
Her answer satisfied me for about a week. Then I remembered Hippacrates' saying "Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food." I truly believe that what we eat matters to our body, and so I set out on a quest to find out more.
Turns out there are quite a few foods that can impact a persons thyroid. And wouldn't you know it, but gluten kept coming up as the number one offender, even surpassing soy!
Last summer when the first swelling episode happened and a friend mentioned it could be a goiter I read through a few websites detailing foods containing goiterogens. It blew me away that so many of my favorite foods were on the list, but since I didn't know for sure what was going on (and the swelling went down in a few days), I abandoned ship.
Now is a different story. Now I want to eat in the best way to keep my thyroid functioning properly for a long as possible. Being a black and white all or nothing kind of girl, I am finding balance difficult. I realize that gluten is just about everything that we eat. Try going one day gluten free and you will see what I mean! Our budget and my sanity cannot afford to just abandon the gluten ship. So I am trying my best to limit gluten foods to just one meal a day. Easier said than done.
I've never really thought of myself as a big bread eater. And bread itself that's probably true. I'll be the first one to pass by a dinner roll. Then I realized I just like my 'bread' a whole lot sweeter. Cookies, brownies, muffins. Busted. Sandwiches, bagels, english muffins. Guilty as baked. Thoughts swirl through my head, ok, I can't just live on rice and corn tortillas. I know that will get old real fast, and then I'll pine for the sweeter things in life, and not care anymore. But I have to care, I must care. Until there is a full body transplant available, I need to care.
And so, I am dabbling. And gleaning. Gleaning through the (thankfully!) massive amounts of recipes on the internet. I am so thankful that there are others out there who keep on persevering through the trial and error process of gluten free baking. I've read so many times 'if I could build a home with the inedible bricks that I've baked'. I get to prosper from their mistakes, and that is a wonderful thing for me. Because I have always been a quitter. It's that dumb perfectionistic first born tendency. If I can't get it right the first time, I am too frustrated with my failure to try again. That, and my budget cannot compensate for too many failed recipe attempts.
I have loved the few things that I've been brave enough to try. The first was a gluten free chocolate chip cookie. And since there is nothing strange in the recipe I'm linking it. The hardest part is grinding up oatmeal in your blender to make flour. The whole family loved it, and Phil was so impressed by the cookie that he bragged them up to someone near to us who has Celiac disease. So in the off chance that you will ever entertain someone who doesn't eat gluten, here is a safe and easy recipe that is sure to please everyone!
The next recipe that I tried was the chickpea flat bread. I was in heaven, felt like I was eating something fried from the fair. No frying necessary! There are only three ingredients, but the main one might cause you a bit more trouble to find. Chickpea flour. Since I have the ability to grind my own grains, I was able to make my own chickpea flour. My Hyvee carries it, so I'm sure it cannot be too hard to find. Just please don't try and grind chickpeas in your blender, they are much to hard and will damage your blade.
Being the sneaky chef that I am, I tried these little babies. Pretty good if you like your brownies on the gooey side. But if you are more of a chewy dry brownie lover, I wouldn't suggest them to you. The seven-year-old-who-doesn't-like-any-of-my-cooking-named-Abi thought they were ok until Phil asked what they were made of. When I said beans she promptly abandoned her half eaten brownie. Wesley and Lizzi loved them. Phil is a chewy brownie lover so they weren't a big hit. I thought for being a healthy food they were great! Not my favorite, but good enough to make again.
I've got a few more recipes waiting on my pinterest board, so off I go!
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Tea Party
Happy leap day everyone! Not that this post has anything to do with leap year, but I thought it would be fun to put something out since it only comes around every few years.
My mom is so crafty that it slays me sometimes. She is constantly whipping up something with her hands. If I had to guess, she's made everyone in the family a new homemade Christmas ornament for about 20 years now. How amazing it that? Crochet is her passion, and she does a great job with it. We, meaning mostly our kids, are so blessed to be on the receiving end of her hobby. I am always giddy when I see a package come in the mail. I probably get more excited to see what 'grammy' has made for the kids then they do! It never ceases to amaze me that she keeps coming up with new things to make them. And they are so stinking cute too. Perhaps someday I'll do a full photo feature of her handiwork, but for today we'll stick with her latest--a tea party set. For Valentines day none the less.
The little set has a tea pot with lid, two adult cups and saucers, four kiddo cups and saucers, eight cookies, four of each fruits--apples, peaches, strawberries, along with little serving bowls to hold the 'goodies', and a handy little bag to store them in.
I wasn't sure how it would go over to only pretend to have a tea party instead of doing the real thing. But it was an instant hit! The best part was watching Wesley pour the tea, complete with sounds. I decided that in an effort to keep this treasure away from the black hole that presides in our home, I would keep it tucked away in my closet. That way someday when I'm a 'lita' (yes, call us crazy but Phil and I already know what we want our grandbabes to call us, Pito and Lita), I'll have the complete set still.
Ok, enough babble, on with the pictures! Apology in advance, I just cannot figure out how to rotate pictures on here, so bear with me and tilt your head to the side for full enjoyment, and I know I kinda went overboard on the photos, but my mom lives eight hours away and hasn't seen her 'grands' since Christmas :)
My mom is so crafty that it slays me sometimes. She is constantly whipping up something with her hands. If I had to guess, she's made everyone in the family a new homemade Christmas ornament for about 20 years now. How amazing it that? Crochet is her passion, and she does a great job with it. We, meaning mostly our kids, are so blessed to be on the receiving end of her hobby. I am always giddy when I see a package come in the mail. I probably get more excited to see what 'grammy' has made for the kids then they do! It never ceases to amaze me that she keeps coming up with new things to make them. And they are so stinking cute too. Perhaps someday I'll do a full photo feature of her handiwork, but for today we'll stick with her latest--a tea party set. For Valentines day none the less.
The little set has a tea pot with lid, two adult cups and saucers, four kiddo cups and saucers, eight cookies, four of each fruits--apples, peaches, strawberries, along with little serving bowls to hold the 'goodies', and a handy little bag to store them in.
I wasn't sure how it would go over to only pretend to have a tea party instead of doing the real thing. But it was an instant hit! The best part was watching Wesley pour the tea, complete with sounds. I decided that in an effort to keep this treasure away from the black hole that presides in our home, I would keep it tucked away in my closet. That way someday when I'm a 'lita' (yes, call us crazy but Phil and I already know what we want our grandbabes to call us, Pito and Lita), I'll have the complete set still.
Ok, enough babble, on with the pictures! Apology in advance, I just cannot figure out how to rotate pictures on here, so bear with me and tilt your head to the side for full enjoyment, and I know I kinda went overboard on the photos, but my mom lives eight hours away and hasn't seen her 'grands' since Christmas :)
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Almond Joy Milkshake
I know you haven't heard much from me lately. I've been in a rut! I have wanted to blog, but just didn't know what in the world to even talk about. Today I was telling my friend about these milkshakes that I drooled over, I mean drank yesterday. She said that sounded absolutely divine and I had better send her the recipe! So here you go Jess, I hope that you enjoy it this summer (or even sooner if you can!)
I can't take sole credit for this recipe, it was inspired by Chocolate Covered Katie's pj&j milkshake recipe (http://chocolatecoveredkatie.com/2012/02/27/peanut-butter-jelly-milkshake/). I just took her guidelines and ran with it. If you've not ever been to her website before, I highly recommend checking it out. A lot of her treats (which are healthy!) are single serving, which I appreciate. Just a little something to tame my sweet tooth without leaving a whole pan behind to tempt me to overeat.
But I digress...after all, you probably are just wanting the recipe and not my whole life's story!
Put in blender:
2 c frozen strawberries
1/4 c shredded coconut
1 Tbsp sugar
1 Tbsp ground flax
2 Tbsp cocoa powder
1.5 c vanilla soy milk
2 splashes vanilla extract
2 pinches salt
whiz it all up and pour in a tall glass. Or be kind and put in two medium glasses and share. Mine turned out so thick I couldn't suck it up through the straw. Of course that could be because hyvee's new straws are smaller than their old ones. But once I started digging in with the spoon I felt like I was having soft serve ice cream of one of my favorite candy bars Almond Joy!
A few notes:
The texture is a bit 'gritty' for lack of a better word. I know it's b/cuz the coconut didn't puree and possibly due to the flax, but it didn't bother me, however if textures are an issue for you, try omitting the flax and use coconut milk instead. I also think this would be even better if I had almond extract to put in instead of vanilla. Add that to my shopping list! The sugar isn't necessary if you are wanting to have a decadent tasting breakfast. I however was looking for more of a dessert type indulgence, and that's why I used it.
Now quit reading this and go whip up your own!
I can't take sole credit for this recipe, it was inspired by Chocolate Covered Katie's pj&j milkshake recipe (http://chocolatecoveredkatie.com/2012/02/27/peanut-butter-jelly-milkshake/). I just took her guidelines and ran with it. If you've not ever been to her website before, I highly recommend checking it out. A lot of her treats (which are healthy!) are single serving, which I appreciate. Just a little something to tame my sweet tooth without leaving a whole pan behind to tempt me to overeat.
But I digress...after all, you probably are just wanting the recipe and not my whole life's story!
Put in blender:
2 c frozen strawberries
1/4 c shredded coconut
1 Tbsp sugar
1 Tbsp ground flax
2 Tbsp cocoa powder
1.5 c vanilla soy milk
2 splashes vanilla extract
2 pinches salt
whiz it all up and pour in a tall glass. Or be kind and put in two medium glasses and share. Mine turned out so thick I couldn't suck it up through the straw. Of course that could be because hyvee's new straws are smaller than their old ones. But once I started digging in with the spoon I felt like I was having soft serve ice cream of one of my favorite candy bars Almond Joy!
A few notes:
The texture is a bit 'gritty' for lack of a better word. I know it's b/cuz the coconut didn't puree and possibly due to the flax, but it didn't bother me, however if textures are an issue for you, try omitting the flax and use coconut milk instead. I also think this would be even better if I had almond extract to put in instead of vanilla. Add that to my shopping list! The sugar isn't necessary if you are wanting to have a decadent tasting breakfast. I however was looking for more of a dessert type indulgence, and that's why I used it.
Now quit reading this and go whip up your own!
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Pinterest Junkie
Ok, I will admit it right now. I am rapidly becoming a pinterest junkie. When Phil's cousin told me over Christmas dinner that her boyfriend has threatened 'pinterventions' on her, I laughed. However, I now see why! I find myself longing for the next pin to inspire me to make something great. The wonderful reality is that it has been inspiring me. Here are some of the things I've done because of pinterest:
- I've tried making my own coffee creamer (to go with my tea tower of course!), an easy tasty treat. http://deliciouslyorganic.net/homemade-dairy-free-sugar-free-coffee-creamer-recipe/
- Someone posted a recipe (sorry don't remember which!) from what has now become my favorite dessert website. If you haven't heard about chocolatecoveredkatie.com you better make some time to browse and drool over her healthy desserts. We've tried the pizzert, chocolate cookie dough dip, and baked cinnamon roll oatmeal so far and haven't been disappointed.
- http://smashedpeasandcarrots.blogspot.com/2011/08/no-bake-energy-bites-recipe.html--quite possibly the fastest naughty tasting healthy snack around.
- made an adorable tshirt dress for my sister. She loved it! http://pinterest.com/pin/9570217927961342/
- I also whipped up a version of this dress over the weekend. You'll have to wait to see mine until I can get the right kind of belt to go with it. I tried it with a skinny braided belt and it just didn't fit the bill. Hopefully I can get to the store over the next weekend and find one! http://sweet-verbena.blogspot.com/2011/07/boho-maxi-dress-tutorial.html
- The best thing that I've gotten from pinterest is this decluttering calendar for 2012. I knew that I wanted to get rid of our extra junk that's been sitting around to have a more peaceful, self sustaining (read: less cleaning on my behalf) home. This calendar has been just the trick with 15 minute a day jobs. I tend to be an all or nothing person, so instead of trying to clean out our home all in one day, it has been helpful to have just one task a day to preform. Of course there have been a few days where I've gotten a bit carried away and done more! (http://www.mysimplerlife.com/2012/Decluttercalendar2012.pdf)
Of course, instead of just clicking on all of my links, you could just sign up for your own pinterest account. Then you can check out what I've been doing, become a junkie too, start pinning like crazy and give me more, ahem, 'inspiration'!
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
repurposed pillowcase
Abi has (finally!) been going through a growth spurt. Strangely, even though she's been in the same size probably since Wesley's been born, it has caught me off guard. We have been so blessed by others who pass their clothes down to us, that usually I just go pull out the next size up from my storage closet. Problem being, nothing in the next size fits her! She is now a size seven in length with a size four waist. All of the sevens in the closet are regulars. There was one slim, but it fell right off of her. She has to have a seven slim adjustable waist. It is absolutely crazy.
The girl on repeated occasions has come out wearing Wesley's pants that he has thrown into her drawer complaining of them being a little tight. Somehow she didn't notice that they only came to her knees, only that they seemed a bit tight and she couldn't quite get the button snapped. Ah yes, I've had lots of good laughs over those escapades!
We are making do with the size six slims and wearing boots over them to conceal the creeping capri look. And thankfully the next size shirts look alright on her. However, the kid needed pajamas. The size sixes weren't long enough to keep her warm.
Enter this beautiful fella. An overly warm fleece pillowcase that came with a bedding set that I love to bundle under in the winter. The pillowcase however was just a bit over the top in warmth, so I've hung onto it over the years not wanting to throw it away. I mean, come on, it's brand new!
So I held them up to her to check on length, a bit long-score! The pillowcase pretty much wrapped all the way around her, so I knew that wouldn't be a problem.
Now I am glad that I had made pajama pants for my brothers and dad for Christmas, it was a breeze and I finished in a half hour. I'm sure it will take me longer to get this post up the way I want then it did to make those pants.
Here's what I did:
The girl on repeated occasions has come out wearing Wesley's pants that he has thrown into her drawer complaining of them being a little tight. Somehow she didn't notice that they only came to her knees, only that they seemed a bit tight and she couldn't quite get the button snapped. Ah yes, I've had lots of good laughs over those escapades!
We are making do with the size six slims and wearing boots over them to conceal the creeping capri look. And thankfully the next size shirts look alright on her. However, the kid needed pajamas. The size sixes weren't long enough to keep her warm.
Enter this beautiful fella. An overly warm fleece pillowcase that came with a bedding set that I love to bundle under in the winter. The pillowcase however was just a bit over the top in warmth, so I've hung onto it over the years not wanting to throw it away. I mean, come on, it's brand new!
So I held them up to her to check on length, a bit long-score! The pillowcase pretty much wrapped all the way around her, so I knew that wouldn't be a problem.
Now I am glad that I had made pajama pants for my brothers and dad for Christmas, it was a breeze and I finished in a half hour. I'm sure it will take me longer to get this post up the way I want then it did to make those pants.
Here's what I did:
- cut off the bottom seam
- cut up the middle of the pillowcase (too bad I didn't think to take any pictures while I did this eh?)
- cut a swoop for the crotch
- stitch up the side seams
- sew together crotch
- make waistband casing
- thread elastic
- close casing
- blog about it :)
Ok, if you're a visual person like me, I'm sure these set of directions are beyond unhelpful. Here's the site that taught me how to make pj's (even if you know, check it out just to see the fabric the author used!): http://www.instructables.com/id/How-to-Sew-Your-Own-Pajama-Pants/
Looks good right?
Now, even better. She's gonna sleep warm tonight!
Monday, January 16, 2012
Tea Tower
For Christmas I received the cutest impractical gift. A tea tower. I say cute because it is red with polka dots and it all stacks nicely together. Impractical because it is not microwave or dishwasher safe. If you've never seen one, here's the link to what I received:
http://www.blueribbongeneralstore.net/5142-p-Home_Collection.html
They really are adorable, and it looks quite comfy sitting on my counter. I just am not an impractical person, and having to boil water in another container to then transfer it to the teapot seems a bit ridiculous. However, I didn't want to offend the givers, and since I knew it was an online purchase there wasn't any way of sneaking it back to the store for something more practical. Phil suggested that I regift the tower, but that seemed strange too. So I opted to keep it, and a few days ago called the kids over and we had a tea party. I quickly boiled some water in the microwave and then steeped some peppermint tea (my favorite!). Loaded up the sugar bowl and added vanilla soy milk to the creamer dish. I got out some coffee mugs for Abi and Lizzi, and a sippy cup for Wesley (that boy is not to be trusted with open cups, even though he knows how to drink from them he chooses instead to dump it down his front with a big grin and say uh-oh!). The ladies sat up straight on the edges of their chairs and sipped sweetened creamy peppermint tea. Wesley happily chugged the soy milk from his cup. We had a good time, and when it was all said and done I was happy to have kept my tea tower.
I love getting ideas from pinterest, and seeing how to make my own creamer intrigued me! I love coffee creamers even though I don't like coffee. I don't buy them because they are expensive, and well, there are a lot of things on the ingredient list that I cannot pronounce. I figure if you can't say it, you probably shouldn't eat it, or at least not often! Curious, I followed the link and saw that the author Carrie Vitt had managed a truly dairy free creamer recipe. Hook, line, and sinker. Make my own creamer with ingredients that I had laying in the house and it is dairy free too, count me in!
http://deliciouslyorganic.net/homemade-coffee-creamer/--check it out and make one of the numerous flavors that she's created, dairy and dairy free both.
The first creamer that I made was Carrie's almond joy. I opted to leave the sweetener out since I had the cute little sugar cup that came with my tea tower. I love how thick it looks while pouring it out of the creamer dish. The almond joy lends a subtle chocolate flavor to my peppermint tea and I realized that it was kind of like having hot chocolate. This of course made me curious to see how many calories would be in my little pot of tea (12oz).
16 calories/1tsp sugar
10 calories/1tbsp creamer
I guesstimate that I use around 2tsp of sugar and 2 tbsp of creamer for the whole pot. So a little more than 50 calories for a delicious cup of tea.
I also have to add, that even though my tea tower is totally impractical, I am falling in love with it for more than just its cute looks. I have found these last few days that taking the time to treat myself to a few slow moments is good for my mental well being. There is something about the meticulous nature of serving the tea into the cup, pouring the creamer from the dish, spooning the sugar from the bowl, and gently swirling it all together, that is quite soothing.
http://www.blueribbongeneralstore.net/5142-p-Home_Collection.html
They really are adorable, and it looks quite comfy sitting on my counter. I just am not an impractical person, and having to boil water in another container to then transfer it to the teapot seems a bit ridiculous. However, I didn't want to offend the givers, and since I knew it was an online purchase there wasn't any way of sneaking it back to the store for something more practical. Phil suggested that I regift the tower, but that seemed strange too. So I opted to keep it, and a few days ago called the kids over and we had a tea party. I quickly boiled some water in the microwave and then steeped some peppermint tea (my favorite!). Loaded up the sugar bowl and added vanilla soy milk to the creamer dish. I got out some coffee mugs for Abi and Lizzi, and a sippy cup for Wesley (that boy is not to be trusted with open cups, even though he knows how to drink from them he chooses instead to dump it down his front with a big grin and say uh-oh!). The ladies sat up straight on the edges of their chairs and sipped sweetened creamy peppermint tea. Wesley happily chugged the soy milk from his cup. We had a good time, and when it was all said and done I was happy to have kept my tea tower.
I love getting ideas from pinterest, and seeing how to make my own creamer intrigued me! I love coffee creamers even though I don't like coffee. I don't buy them because they are expensive, and well, there are a lot of things on the ingredient list that I cannot pronounce. I figure if you can't say it, you probably shouldn't eat it, or at least not often! Curious, I followed the link and saw that the author Carrie Vitt had managed a truly dairy free creamer recipe. Hook, line, and sinker. Make my own creamer with ingredients that I had laying in the house and it is dairy free too, count me in!
http://deliciouslyorganic.net/homemade-coffee-creamer/--check it out and make one of the numerous flavors that she's created, dairy and dairy free both.
The first creamer that I made was Carrie's almond joy. I opted to leave the sweetener out since I had the cute little sugar cup that came with my tea tower. I love how thick it looks while pouring it out of the creamer dish. The almond joy lends a subtle chocolate flavor to my peppermint tea and I realized that it was kind of like having hot chocolate. This of course made me curious to see how many calories would be in my little pot of tea (12oz).
16 calories/1tsp sugar
10 calories/1tbsp creamer
I guesstimate that I use around 2tsp of sugar and 2 tbsp of creamer for the whole pot. So a little more than 50 calories for a delicious cup of tea.
I also have to add, that even though my tea tower is totally impractical, I am falling in love with it for more than just its cute looks. I have found these last few days that taking the time to treat myself to a few slow moments is good for my mental well being. There is something about the meticulous nature of serving the tea into the cup, pouring the creamer from the dish, spooning the sugar from the bowl, and gently swirling it all together, that is quite soothing.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
When God Calls You Out
This morning as I was reading my devotional book and my Bible, God called me out. You see, since the miscarriage I've struggled with my eating again. Sneaking cookies and spoonfuls of sweetness when no one was looking, feeling compelled to binge. Earlier this week the Spirit convicted me of my wrongdoing. Yet the last two days I've found myself wandering back towards those yummies. I wasn't hungry, it didn't even taste good, it was a sad waste of treats. I justified it to myself that I was emotionally eating and 'dealing' with the pain of my loss. But really my heart was giving God the finger. So while I felt guilty and had this phrase in my back pocket and on my mind--Don't compromise My best for you for a moment of passion--I just didn't care.
I think that God got tired of being subtle about my sin because the words just seemed to jump off the page and scream at me:
I think that God got tired of being subtle about my sin because the words just seemed to jump off the page and scream at me:
My Princess....Freedom Is A Choice
So if the Son sets your free, you will be free indeed. John 8:36
I long to give you the keys to be free from the things that bind you and see you break through to a blessed life in Me. But your freedom is a choice...your choice. You can be totally free in Me or try to set yourself free. I promise, My princess, I am the only One who can give you the life-giving keys you need and want. The keys are hidden in My Word, empowered by your prayer, and completed by the work of My Holy Spirit living in you. Choose the way, My love....choose life.
Love,
Your King and your freedom
Ok God, you got my attention here. How I have always longed to be free of my disordered eating. I have loathed myself and those choices that I have made that imprisoned me, and have known that I cannot escape on my own. I tried for years to dig myself out, but only managed to dig deeper. I know that it is not possible to escape an eating disorder by my own power. And here is the reason why (well, for me at least)--my disorder was born out of rebellion. Oh sure at the beginning it was a comfort and a coping mechanism, but once I knew the truth and could have been set free by God's hand of mercy and grace, I choose chains. As this revelation dawned on me, that I wasn't emotionally eating, that I was sinning, I set down the devo book and cracked open my Bible.
Psalm 32 (and it couldn't get any more fitting than this!)
Oh, what joy for those
whose disobedience is forgiven,
whose sin is put out of sight!
Yes, what joy for those
whose record the LORD has cleared of guilt,
whose lives are lived in complete honesty!
When I refused to confess my sin,
my body wasted away,
and I groaned all day long.
Day and night your hand of discipline was heavy on me.
My strength evaporated like water in the summer heat.
Finally I confessed all my sins to you
and I stopped trying to hide my guilt.
I said to myself, "I will confess my rebellion to the LORD."
And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone.
Therefore, let all the godly pray to you while there is still time,
that they may not drown in the floodwaters of judgement.
For you are my hiding place;
you protect me from trouble.
You surround me with songs of victory.
The LORD says, "I will guide you along the best pathway for your life.
I will advise you and watch over you.
Do not be like a senseless horse or mule
that needs a bit and bridle to keep it under control."
Many sorrows come to the wicked,
but unfailing love surrounds those who trust the LORD.
So rejoice in the LORD and be glad, all you who obey him!
Shout for joy, all you whose hearts are pure!
I quickly confessed my sin of gluttony and rebellion to God and told him that I might need that bit and bridle until I can be a bit more wielding to His hand. Instantly, the burden of guilt and shame and confusion was gone. Tears filled my eyes as I thanked my Creator. I told him that sometimes I wish that He would kill me with his vengence rather than drown me in his Love. Because His wrath I am so deserving, but this unsatiable love that my God has for me is not only uncomfortable it is downright painful. I am so unworthy to have him even look at me, and yet He does, tenderly look at me, and shower me with His favor!
And so, I've been called out once again. I have to wonder, what is it that God has in store for me? I figure that there has to be a reason that He keeps bringing me near to Him instead of 'smiting' me!
Thursday, January 5, 2012
What nine years will do to you!
Yesterday (Jan 4th), Phil and I celebrated nine years of marriage! I'm sure that there are some people who never thought we'd make it that long since we were 20 when we got married. But we're still together, and we've discovered that there probably isn't any other person who would put up with us, hehe, so we're gonna keep trodding down the path of oneness :)
Of course if I had any foresight I would have done this sooner, but I didn't even think of it until last night when I was getting ready for bed. But picture posts are always great, so enjoy a tour of our lives together thus far.
Of course if I had any foresight I would have done this sooner, but I didn't even think of it until last night when I was getting ready for bed. But picture posts are always great, so enjoy a tour of our lives together thus far.
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| Wedding Dress rehearsal. Doesn't Phil have great hair?! |
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| Wedding day Jan 4, 2003 |
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| First Christmas as a married couple |
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| our lives took a wonderful change Dec 5, 2004 when Abi was born |
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| Christmas 2005 |
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| Christmas 2006 |
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| Aug 2007, pregnant with Lizzi on a little getaway before she came |
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| Oct 8, 2007 Lizzi came and changed our family dynamic |
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| Christmas 2007 |
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| Celebrating 5 years of marriage Jan 4, 2008 |
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| Spring 2009, Phil took me to see Celine Dion live in Omaha |
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| June 3, 2010 laboring with Wesley. Phil is an amazing support throughout all of pregnancy and labor! |
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| ok, not a couple pic, but this is my favorite photo of Phil. He just saw his firstborn son born and they share birthdays too, how amazing is that?! |
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| This is what happens when you keep adding children, posed family photos go by the wayside! |
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| Christmas 2010, going to see the nutcracker ballet in Denver Colorado |
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| Fall 2011 |
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| Christmas 2011 |
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
What the 'internet' won't tell you
Another post on miscarriage you say? Yup, I've been saving this one for a while. Glad I did or there wouldn't be a number ten to my list. Kinda wanted to see how things would play out. I'm sure that I can do a part two in another few weeks as I have a sneaking suspicion that I haven't learned everything from my personal journey yet.
When I first started spotting, I went to the internet to look for information. If you've not ever been in a position to search for miscarriage info, then bless you dear reader. If you have, you may have noticed how sparse and dismal the information is.
Most websites give you the generic rundown:
heavier than normal period cramps
bleeding with some clots
loss of pregnancy symptoms
I would like to expand that list by adding what I learned:
1. Just like birth, no two miscarriages are the same.
My first passed quickly and with only minor discomfort, the second was a force of nature to be reckoned with.
2. It can feel more like labor and less like menstrual cramps.
When Caeles passed, I told Phil that I was upgrading my condition from achy to first stage labor. I had contractions and knew it was only a matter of time before something happened. Even in the middle of the miscarriage, I had urges to push, just like when birthing a live baby. Achy back, hips feel like they were spreading, yup, my body was in full blown labor.
3. Cold sweats, nausea, uncontrollable shaking are all within normal parameters.
I really wish that I knew this piece of information when I had searched the internet. When I had these symptoms I started to get scared that perhaps something was not right and that I might be in trouble.
4. There can be afterpains just like after the delivery of a live child.
Quite crummy yes, but that is the joy of ibuprofen.
5. Your body may act like it's in a postpartum state.
You may experience hormonal fluctuations, arrival of breast milk, night sweats and frequent bathroom trips to decrease blood volume.
6. Your body may look like a postpartum body.
Increased cup size, and flabby belly (even if you weren't showing yet!)
7. Phantom baby kicks
I read this in the comments column somewhere on the internet and am thankful to have not experienced this.
8. Retained morning sickness and heightened sense of smell during the intense grieving portion of loss (especially the denial stage).
9. Debilitating headaches
Again, it is within normal parameters to have headaches that lay you up for hours or days at a time. It's just your hormones trying to figure out what they are supposed to be doing. Of course if it lasts more than 2 weeks, seek medical treatment as that may be a sign of something else.
10. Strange menstrual cycles
Your body has just undergone a major hormonal adjustment, and just like after a live birth, each woman's period returns at different times.
You might have tissue fragments pass for the first few cycles as your body finishes cleansing itself from the miscarriage. The smell of the first few cycles might be more reminiscent of postpartum bleeding than a menstrual cycle.
It might take a while to 'get regular'. Again, major hormonal adjustment going on here, and every woman's body has it's own pace of getting back on track.
It is my sincerest wish that this will be passed on. Miscarriage is such a hush hush topic. I want to shed a little light on it, to help others, ease their suffering. If I help just one woman, my own pain will have been worth it. So please, post this on facebook, and twitter, I don't even care if I get credit or not. Send it as a forward to someone you love. Let's work together to get the word out so we aren't alone in our hurt. Knowledge is power, so pay it forward.
When I first started spotting, I went to the internet to look for information. If you've not ever been in a position to search for miscarriage info, then bless you dear reader. If you have, you may have noticed how sparse and dismal the information is.
Most websites give you the generic rundown:
heavier than normal period cramps
bleeding with some clots
loss of pregnancy symptoms
I would like to expand that list by adding what I learned:
1. Just like birth, no two miscarriages are the same.
My first passed quickly and with only minor discomfort, the second was a force of nature to be reckoned with.
2. It can feel more like labor and less like menstrual cramps.
When Caeles passed, I told Phil that I was upgrading my condition from achy to first stage labor. I had contractions and knew it was only a matter of time before something happened. Even in the middle of the miscarriage, I had urges to push, just like when birthing a live baby. Achy back, hips feel like they were spreading, yup, my body was in full blown labor.
3. Cold sweats, nausea, uncontrollable shaking are all within normal parameters.
I really wish that I knew this piece of information when I had searched the internet. When I had these symptoms I started to get scared that perhaps something was not right and that I might be in trouble.
4. There can be afterpains just like after the delivery of a live child.
Quite crummy yes, but that is the joy of ibuprofen.
5. Your body may act like it's in a postpartum state.
You may experience hormonal fluctuations, arrival of breast milk, night sweats and frequent bathroom trips to decrease blood volume.
6. Your body may look like a postpartum body.
Increased cup size, and flabby belly (even if you weren't showing yet!)
7. Phantom baby kicks
I read this in the comments column somewhere on the internet and am thankful to have not experienced this.
8. Retained morning sickness and heightened sense of smell during the intense grieving portion of loss (especially the denial stage).
9. Debilitating headaches
Again, it is within normal parameters to have headaches that lay you up for hours or days at a time. It's just your hormones trying to figure out what they are supposed to be doing. Of course if it lasts more than 2 weeks, seek medical treatment as that may be a sign of something else.
10. Strange menstrual cycles
Your body has just undergone a major hormonal adjustment, and just like after a live birth, each woman's period returns at different times.
You might have tissue fragments pass for the first few cycles as your body finishes cleansing itself from the miscarriage. The smell of the first few cycles might be more reminiscent of postpartum bleeding than a menstrual cycle.
It might take a while to 'get regular'. Again, major hormonal adjustment going on here, and every woman's body has it's own pace of getting back on track.
It is my sincerest wish that this will be passed on. Miscarriage is such a hush hush topic. I want to shed a little light on it, to help others, ease their suffering. If I help just one woman, my own pain will have been worth it. So please, post this on facebook, and twitter, I don't even care if I get credit or not. Send it as a forward to someone you love. Let's work together to get the word out so we aren't alone in our hurt. Knowledge is power, so pay it forward.
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