This summer was quite a shock to my emotional bearings when Grandma passed. The reality that my grandparents wouldn't be around forever hit me. Their presence in my life was something that was always there, it didn't dawn on me that it would be any other way. Oh sure my siblings and I made guesses over who would go first but it wasn't like we were talking about our grandparents more like what beloved TV show would be cancelled. Except that I miss my grandma more than Lie to Me or Outsourced.
This revelation has spurred more treks to see my grandpa in the last four months than probably the last five years. I know that my time with him is slipping away like sand in the hourglass. I want to savor every moment, play each hand of cards, and get all the hugs I can from that gentle giant of a man who always greets me with a Hello young lady, a nuzzle to the neck embrace with a deep chuckle where I can smell the aftershave on his skin and latest sneaky snack on his breath.
It has been hard to watch Grandpa's health decline, and knowing that Congestive heart failure is like a ticking time bomb I go, and savor. Last time I tried to drink in the trees in their glorious fall state, the old garden plot where we worked by his side as kids, the smell of his house, and his scent. Remember this, I told myself, for the seconds on the clock are moving forward faster each time I visit. I love watching him teach Abi to play Chinese checkers with the same patience that he had with me. He gives Lizzi and Wesley rides with him in the electric wheelchair. The 'oh he's so spoiled' with a large grin on his face when Miles doesn't want to leave my arms evokes laughs from us both.
Even though I'm a grown woman, and a mom of nearly nine years, I love how I'm transported back to childhood where I felt like the most beloved grandchild. Knowing that the final thread of my active childhood is hanging in the balance makes me sad. Someday all to soon I will say my final goodbyes to Grandpa and that era of my life as well.
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