Parenting Struggles

Last night felt like a new low as a mom.  We sent Abi to bed at 5:30 with only a piece of bread and glass of water.  The girl had been beside herself in a fit of rage for nearly an hour when we said no more.

It started with being asked to do her regular chores followed by helping Phil rake leaves to prep for the winter.  I could hear from inside the house her yelling at Phil about it not being fair.  We tried the usual suspects to help her calm down to no avail.  By dinner time she was still a complete emotional wreck.  Then she lashed out at Wesley who asked her to quit yelling.  That was the final straw for me, and I asked her to please leave the table.  I was going to just have her leave until she calmed down and then join us, but Phil had had more than enough.  He usually is the one who can reach her and bring her back down to a more amicable state, but she would have none of it.  The verdict was out, off to bed, now, with no radio or dinner.  She was given a piece of bread and a glass of water and allowed to come out of her room twice.  Once for a bathroom break, once to apologize.  She never came out.

Dinner was strained as her fit could be heard through closed doors.  I felt pretty crummy that she chose to be angry and shrug off all of our attempts at gentle reasoning and love.  Phil was exhausted after a hard days work topped off with Abi.  We are no strangers to this kind of raw emotional display from her.  It's been a while since she's had such an awful fit that nothing has worked.  I feel like the only thing we didn't try was to physically hold her down in a warped version of a hug.  At this stage of her life doesn't seem very appropriate.  The ferocity of her feelings reminded me of when she was three and sprawled out on the floor kicking and screaming and turning herself in circles.  Now instead of kicking on the floor she yells out hurtful sayings.

This morning the only prayer I could muster in my sleep deprived frame of mind was 'Father give me the wisdom to parent Abi.'  There was still more anger in her than I would like to have seen in the morning, but what's more disconcerting is to not know why she's so mad.  When I questioned her gingerly this morning I unearthed nothing that would trigger such a response.  My heart is aching for my Abi today knowing she is struggling with such intense feelings swirling around in her little soul.  Her choosing to go at it alone and shut me out grieves me even more.