Guilt

Last night was a rough night.  I was up for a good portion of it trying to figure out why Miles was shrieking.  Nursing,  diaper change, vertical snuggling, teething tablets, and laying on daddy's chest brought no relief only more incessant and panicked wailing.  Finally at my wits and noticing that he kept jerking his legs (which made me think growing pains) I gave ibuprofen.  It kicked in and he was able to relax enough to sleep.  It was still fitful as he kept fidgeting and moaning.

Needless to say it was with great effort that I pulled myself out of bed to start my day with the Lord.  Coffee in one hand Bible in the other I read through the end of Daniel and Psalm 119.  I wanted to get my new testament portion in but my mind was having troubles focusing.  Thankfully the Holy Spirit gave me an elbowing and said 'hey read that again, you missed it'.  As my eyes back tracked this verse jumped off the page and into my heart.

1 John 3:20
Even if we feel guilty, God is greater than our feelings, and he knows everything.

Let me tell you guilt is one of those well played cards in my head.  It is quite possibly the strongest emotion with I deal with from awaking in the morning until my brain shuts off at night.  And I do everything in my power to hide it away from the world.

Guilt over:

• not waking earlier to exercise
• taking too much time getting dressed
• not praying enough
• not reading as much scripture as I'd like if I pray too long
• not wanting to read the 'hard' parts of the Bible

This is just a small sampling, and I've not even been awake for an hour!

I know that I'm a perfectionist, I never knew just how hard I was on myself until God pointed out this verse to me.  As I've been snuggling Miles today (turns out he's sick hence the rough night) it's given me a lot of time to reflect on guilt's over bearing presence in my life.  I am so thankful that God is greater than my feelings.  I've built a nice little hideaway to shield myself away from the eyes of my Maker.  I realized He already knew ( gotta love those 'duh' moments in life!) but wanted me to see what I'd been doing to myself, and tear that fortress of guilt down.

Forgiveness is a beautiful thing, and the next verse was a confirmation that I had been acquitted.

1 John 3:21

Dear friends, if we don't feel guilty, we can come to God with bold confidence.  

  

Now I'm on the journey towards grace and away from guilt...won't you join me?