Grandpa's Funeral

I thought I was ready for today.  I had said goodbye.  I had cried rivers already.


What I didn't take into account was how hard all those lasts would be.  The last time to sit around Grandpa's table holding hands saying grace and eating together.  The last time I will probably see certain family members alive.  Yes there are a bit crazy and we aren't necessarily close, but they are still family.  
Mom and her siblings have been hard at work this last week to get the estate ready for auction.  She'd warned me that they had taken some things out and rearranged furniture but it was still a shock.  The pictures that I was used to seeing upon entering were down.  Grandpa's cuckoo clock was packed up for the auction.  Grandma's organ was gone.  The couches were rearranged.  My grandparents lived in a time capsule, nothing ever changed, so it was difficult to see it so barren.

Since it was so bitterly cold and blustery, the service was held in the house.  I'm thankful for whomever made that decision.  My dad officiated and read a few different passages from John.  The one that started the tears was John 14:1-4 "Do not let your hearts be troubled.  Trust in God; trust also in me.  In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you.  I am going there to prepare a place for you.  And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.  You know the way to the place where I am going." Those tears fell because as I held Grandpa's hand and my Mom and her sisters were saying verses those were the ones that came to my mind.  I wanted to speak them but didn't feel it was right.  It was a blessing to me that those were the final scriptures used to comfort me through my goodbyes.

Being such an empathic person it tore me up inside to see my mom and Aunt in such pain.  A pain that I shared.  A pain that I couldn't lessen.  No amount of hugging could ease their hurting.  Which just added to my own pain, and when it spilled over my darling husband was quick to come over and hold me tight and say I love you.  That man knows me so well and has been such a wonder through all of this.

The luncheon and afternoon gathering was a lovely time to spend reminiscing, sharing memories, hearing stories.  I learned that when I was a little girl I was scared of men and the only men I'd let hold me were my Dad and my Grandpa.  Seeing pictures of Grandpa when we was just a baby, through childhood and adulthood was so neat.  I couldn't get over how much my brother Taylor looks like he did at those ages.  With each picture I'd pick up that wonder spilled forth.  They had even found a picture that Grandpa had given to Grandma when they were dating that he had written 'to a swell girl, love Dutch'.  Phil took a picture of that front and back because he knew I didn't have anything in Grandpa's hand writing.

On the way home we were discussing the Cuckoo clock.  He showed me a video that he had taken of Grandpa holding our kids while they waited together for the cuckoo to come out.  Just he had done with me.  Knowing my not so fond thoughts regarding the estate auction Phil asked me to quantify how much that cuckoo clock was worth to me.
I said Phil it's not the clock, it was Grandpa.
Holding me up as a child to help pull the chains down to keep it running.
It was Grandpa who made time and activities stand still as we waited together for the cuckoo to come out.
It wasn't the clock that was special, it was Grandpa.