Turning Nine

Even though I don't feel old enough to have my first baby turn nine, the day is almost here.  Since becoming a mother has been the largest game changer of my life I tend to reflect and become a sentimental sap.

Abi is rapidly turning into a young lady.  Just this weekend she started wearing deodorant (homemade of course!).  Her face has lost all baby pudge, and is starting to look a bit more like mine with the sharply defined features.  There is the hint of the curves that are to come.  I've also noticed that she is entering that transitional time of childhood where playing isn't all it used to be.  Books are more likely to be chosen.  Indecisiveness and insecurity have popped up as she morphs into the next stage of life.

The great thing about Abi turning nine is that she can read and loves to cook.  In fact most weekend mornings you will find her in the kitchen whipping up some delectable breakfast goodies.  Chocolate chip pancakes seem to be the favorite.

This is the smiling smirk I get most days.  Thankfully her rambunctious laughter and shrieks are close to follow. 

I'm not needed in a lot of areas of her life anymore.  I don't need to pick out her clothes, or fix her hair.  My advice on what looks good together is often scoffed at.  She doesn't want me to tuck her in, or even turn off the light these days.  Even though this little lady is growing up much quicker than I ever anticipated, I still get to hear the magical words 'goodnight mama, I love you'.  And that's enough for me.

Thanksgiving Ramblings

Thanksgiving happens to be my favorite holiday.  I love the big family gatherings that have carried over from my childhood when I became Phil's bride.  Thanksgiving has always been a joyous event, lots of hugs and laughter.  So please pardon my grumpiness as Christmas tries to upperhandedly sneak it's way in and steal the limelight.

In true Thanksgiving fashion (and because my current book of study is having me write out what I'm thankful for) here are some of my top thanks outside of the usual friends and family bit.

• For this house that has seen our family double in size
• for a Bible to read God's word and the freedom to do so
• the internet which houses a wealth of information that I can't obtain from the library
• yarn and the fun things to create from it
• the food in my house that never runs out
• homeschooling--a blessed way to be intentional with our children

As I reflect on the second anniversary of our loss of Zara and Caeles I am grateful for this holiday based in thanks to mark their passings.  Grateful that I can smile at their gain instead of cry for my loss.  Grateful that my God has prepared a place for them, and that I will someday be with them again.

Happy thanksgiving my friends.  May your hearts be filled with as much love, gratitude, and contentment as your tummies are with turkey, trimmings, and pie!

Photo Collages

This summer Phil printed off around one hundred of his favorite prints from the last three years and handed me the stack.  I was overwhelmed as to what to do with them, so I stuck them in my desk.  Last week when I started decluttering the desk I found them and decided that I needed to do something with them and not just stick them in another spot.  I decided to divide them and make a collage for each family member.

Miles had the least amount of pictures so I chose to start with his first.  I found a frame that had been sitting empty for years and discovered it was just the right size.  My initial plan was to use scraps of fabric from Grandma's collection, but opted to use the scrapbook paper that I've had since Abi was born.  I was pleased as punch with how it turned out!

I know it's a bit hard to see (the joys of using my phone instead of camera!) but the top in all lower case says Miles Nathanael.  Under Nathanael I had a sticker that says Gift From God, which is the meaning of Nathanael, very fitting I thought.  The left corner says Little Guy and the right says baby boy.  

The black and white photo is the upper left is Miles peeking through a cut out at Focus on the Family's Adventures in Oddessy.  

The middle family shot was taken by a kind stranger by the fountain at Casa Bonita in Denver.  

The upper right is Phil holding Miles when he was a newborn.  

The bottom left was shortly after his birth.  

The bottom right is a peekaboo shot of him in the baby tub, the brown is Wesley's arm as he was getting ready to help wash. 

I spent a bit more time on Miles' collage because I haven't made anything for him since his birth, and with such few pictures I wanted it to look extra special.

I was annoyed that the dollar store didn't have any poster board, but it turned out ok as I was able to use the bottom of a box to mount everything on.

Top Left is a reflection of Wesley (age one) at Pueblo Colorado aquarium portion of the zoo

Next over he is eating a smore while camping this summer

Not sure if you can see Wesley's expression on the family shot with the dinosaur.  That is Dinger the Colorado Rockies mascot.  Wesley was so excited to meet Dinger, but as soon as we got close he started crying, howled during the photo, and then talked non stop about how awesome Dinger was as soon as we walked away.

Top right corner is the one year old picture.  Wesley is sitting in a box of duplo legos.  He was utterly obsessed with them from the time he could crawl until shortly after his first birthday.  He carried a lego all day long, while crawling, nursing, even falling asleep.  I would pry his little fingers open when I went to bed, and for a few months that was the only time he didn't hold a block!

Middle left is a happy baby shot

Pumpkin patch sibling shot.  I don't think he's grown a whole lot since then :)

Middle black and white is a look at Phil's classic style of photography

Family shot showcasing the first skirts that I made for us gals for easter a few years back

Black and white on the right is Wesley's peek a boo shot at Adventures in Oddessy.  We couldn't stop laughing at his expression!

Bottom left is Wesley wearing daddy's cowboy hat as a baby.  

Middle is him trying out Phil's camera with me as the subject

Bottom right is a sibling shot at the pumpkin patch when Wesley was almost 1.5

These were a lot of fun to make and hopefully soon I'll have a part two showcasing the girls'!

Sausage Spinach Rice Casserole

Instead of going grocery shopping last weekend we decided to dwindle the pantry and freezer.  I haven't had the wherewithal to actually take note of everything in those places and come up with a meal plan for the week.  I've just been winging it, and while we had some favorites, last night I came up with something new.  To my surprise it was a hit with the family, even the picky one!  The amounts listed might differ from reality as I was just throwing it together as I went.

Notes:     While this meal was really tasty it was pretty heavy on the rice, so if I made it this way it'd be as a side dish.  For a main dish I would do less rice, more spinach,  and more sausage (per Phil's request).  I had half of a box of fresh spinach from Sams Club that I froze so I'm not sure on the exact amount used.  The peppers were from the garden that Phil had sliced into rings and frozen.  I tossed in one and a half handfuls when wilting the spinach.  The parmesan cheese I just shook into the roux, so it may have been more or less than the cup that I listed.  Oh, and did you know that you can boil rice like you would pasta noodles?  That was a revolutionary kitchen tip for me, and I can now cook palatable rice!

3c rice (uncooked)
1 lb sausage
1 lb spinach
pepperochini peppers
3 tbsp of choice oil
3 tbsp corn starch
3 c milk
1 c parmesan cheese
salt and pepper to taste

1. Cook rice.  
2. Brown sausage 
3. Wilt Spinach and peppers
4. Make Roux
5. Combine all together and eat!

Doesn't get any easier than that my friends.  Let me know what your family thinks if you try it!

Parenting Struggles

Last night felt like a new low as a mom.  We sent Abi to bed at 5:30 with only a piece of bread and glass of water.  The girl had been beside herself in a fit of rage for nearly an hour when we said no more.

It started with being asked to do her regular chores followed by helping Phil rake leaves to prep for the winter.  I could hear from inside the house her yelling at Phil about it not being fair.  We tried the usual suspects to help her calm down to no avail.  By dinner time she was still a complete emotional wreck.  Then she lashed out at Wesley who asked her to quit yelling.  That was the final straw for me, and I asked her to please leave the table.  I was going to just have her leave until she calmed down and then join us, but Phil had had more than enough.  He usually is the one who can reach her and bring her back down to a more amicable state, but she would have none of it.  The verdict was out, off to bed, now, with no radio or dinner.  She was given a piece of bread and a glass of water and allowed to come out of her room twice.  Once for a bathroom break, once to apologize.  She never came out.

Dinner was strained as her fit could be heard through closed doors.  I felt pretty crummy that she chose to be angry and shrug off all of our attempts at gentle reasoning and love.  Phil was exhausted after a hard days work topped off with Abi.  We are no strangers to this kind of raw emotional display from her.  It's been a while since she's had such an awful fit that nothing has worked.  I feel like the only thing we didn't try was to physically hold her down in a warped version of a hug.  At this stage of her life doesn't seem very appropriate.  The ferocity of her feelings reminded me of when she was three and sprawled out on the floor kicking and screaming and turning herself in circles.  Now instead of kicking on the floor she yells out hurtful sayings.

This morning the only prayer I could muster in my sleep deprived frame of mind was 'Father give me the wisdom to parent Abi.'  There was still more anger in her than I would like to have seen in the morning, but what's more disconcerting is to not know why she's so mad.  When I questioned her gingerly this morning I unearthed nothing that would trigger such a response.  My heart is aching for my Abi today knowing she is struggling with such intense feelings swirling around in her little soul.  Her choosing to go at it alone and shut me out grieves me even more.

Fat Melts about as Slow as an Iceberg

January 1st we made our goal for the new years.  Hugely pregnant and missing some good denim I made my goal to be in my skinny jeans by Christmas.  I've always been dedicated to working off the baby weight so this wasn't a lofty goal for me by any means.  I had my plan, wear the girdle for postpartum support (and hopefully help push things back into place) come March and I'd start back to working out.

The strangest thing happened, March came and I wasn't in a big hurry to set Miles down to sweat to a video.  The few times I did he cried and so did I as my ligaments were still too lose and ached painfully.  We did some strolls along the bike path once the weather cooperated but it was by no means cardio.  Then summer was here and I thought we'd start biking all over town like summers past.  The kids were more content to play together and Miles preferred to be held.  Since he's the last baby we're planning for I'm going to hold him as long as he'll let me.

Fall is here and with the threat of snow tomorrow I realized that winter is just around the corner and Miles will be one year old in a little more than two months!  Those skinny jeans aren't going to fit by Christmas since I can't even pull them up over my hips yet.  I held them up today and laughed to think that at one point I wore them and wasn't even comfortable in my own skin.  But another pair of old pants fit.  The largest ones in the box, and that's ok.  So in spite of my lack of vigorous exercise the baby fat is melting away.  Compliments of extended nursing (and perhaps the iodine supplements too).

It is always a marvel to watch my belly grow and swell with life.  It has been just as intriguing (albeit at times frustrating) to watch it morph into its new normal, without any pushing or shoving from me.  A refreshing place to be.

Time is Sand in the Hourglass

This summer was quite a shock to my emotional bearings when Grandma passed.  The reality that my grandparents wouldn't be around forever hit me.  Their presence in my life was something that was always there, it didn't dawn on me that it would be any other way.  Oh sure my siblings and I made guesses over who would go first but it wasn't like we were talking about our grandparents more like what beloved TV show would be cancelled.  Except that I miss my grandma more than Lie to Me or Outsourced.

This revelation has spurred more treks to see my grandpa in the last four months than probably the last five years.  I know that my time with him is slipping away like sand in the hourglass.  I want to savor every moment, play each hand of cards, and get all the hugs I can from that gentle giant of a man who always greets me with a Hello young lady, a nuzzle to the neck embrace with a deep chuckle where I can smell the aftershave on his skin and latest sneaky snack on his breath.

It has been hard to watch Grandpa's health decline, and knowing that Congestive heart failure is like a ticking time bomb I go, and savor.  Last time I tried to drink in the trees in their glorious fall state, the old garden plot where we worked by his side as kids, the smell of his house, and his scent.  Remember this, I told myself, for the seconds on the clock are moving forward faster each time I visit.  I love watching him teach Abi to play Chinese checkers with the same patience that he had with me.  He gives Lizzi and Wesley rides with him in the electric wheelchair.  The 'oh he's so spoiled' with a large grin on his face when Miles doesn't want to leave my arms evokes laughs from us both.

Even though I'm a grown woman, and a mom of nearly nine years, I love how I'm transported back to childhood where I felt like the most beloved grandchild.  Knowing that the final thread of my active childhood is hanging in the balance makes me sad.  Someday all to soon I will say my final goodbyes to Grandpa and that era of my life as well.