To me the title of this post is amusing, as I've been trying to learn to dance for over a decade now. Phil and I took lessons when first married. Then we signed up for the next session, only Phil ended up getting his knee scoped and no one else was in the class so I had private lessons (with my adoring husband looking on in amusement). Our friend instructing the class graduated and moved on, we became pregnant with Abi and dancing (or tripping in my case) went on the shelf. For our fourth anniversary Phil gifted us with a session of dance classes. Along came Lizzi and as we learned how to survive with a baby and a crazy 2.5 year old who could bypass child safety door knobs and climb chain link fences, dancing subsided once again.
Even though I have the equivalent of three left feet, I haven't quit trying to learn to dance. I took a belly dance class when the girls were little. That was fun, but I didn't care for the atmosphere as it was in a buddhist's dojo. I've participated in Zumba, which was great until I threw out my back. I've had a stack of dance videos, Wii dance, and even tried instructional clips off of youtube. One would think that after so many years, with the amount of time, energy, and money that's been invested I would be able to dance. Sadly, I am still as stiff and clumsy as the day I started.
Stubborn first born that I am, I haven't given up on dreaming that I can dance. Sometimes my enthusiasm wanes and I give up for a while. However, the desire is refreshed each time I see a movie with an amazing dance theme, or some tv talent show. I know that I will never look as inspiring as those ladies as I don't have a dancers body, but that doesn't mean I don't want to be able to move as fluidly as them.
A new hobby of ours is collecting records. Most of them we've inherited or picked up from garage sales and good will. We found a learn to dance instructional record which didn't end up so well. That being said, Phil did purchase the Moulin Rouge soundtrack off of the internet at full price. I thought he was crazy and let him know as much. Now I'm the crazy one and listen to it borderline obsessively. We all love it, even Miles will stop his playing and get up and dance. This involves him turning in circles and bopping up and down in his fluffy diaper buns way which makes us all laugh hysterically. Ah, funny, I suppose I should take a video of that sometime....but I digress. My absolute favorite song on the album is El Tango De Roxanne, I could listen to it all day. I've watched the scene from the movie too and long to dance with such passion with my husband.
One of the first times I watched that Roxanne scene I offhandedly commented that it would be fun to learn to dance like that. I didn't think anything of it again. Phil on the other hand, took it to heart and started watching tango dance lessons on the internet. This weekend he let me know what he'd been up to. Knowing how quickly frustrated I get trying to learn a new dance he told me that the first thing to do is to close my eyes and feel the rhythm and passion. As I stood there trying to sway with the beat I could feel Phil's eyes on me, and then his fingers tracing along my arms. After eleven years of marriage I know Phil's touches, and this one wasn't a casual hello. I struggled to maintain composure (as well as the beat) but as a huge revelation struck me I melted into tears in his arms. Surprised, Phil asked what was wrong. I cried as I told him that I realized why dance is so hard for me. Sure I've got big feet and virtually no sense of rhythm, but it's the absolute vulnerability of dance that leaves me floundering. In the bedroom, lights are either dimmed or out, and eyes are closed as moments of ecstasy are enjoyed together, but in dance, eyes are wide open. Phil interrupted, don't you want to look at me? No, I don't want you to look at me, I cried back and sobbed into his shoulder (ah, the joys of being insecure about one's body). He gently lifted my chin and said, but I like looking at you and kissed me tenderly.
After drying my eyes and blowing my nose we resumed learning our dance. I warned him that he will never see me as vulnerable as when I am before him dancing. To make sure to be patient and gentle for my heart is laid out before you in full daylight. Our children had gathered by then and as Phil took my hand, we danced the first four steps of the El Tango De Roxanne around the living room in (near) perfect harmony.
awwwwwe
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