The Perfect Goodbye

Yesterday I said my final goodbyes to my grandma.  She was diagnosed with liver cancer back in the spring but being in her 80's chose not to do any treatments.  We got the call a few weeks ago that she was jaundiced pretty bad and we should come and see her before her time was gone.  So I cried, and sought help.  What do you say to someone who is dying that you might not see again?  Nervous I went,  and when I got there, outside of grandma's fluorescent appearance nothing was out of the ordinary.  It was the same old hug with the kiss on the cheek with the 'hi there kiddo' and following giggle of delight that I've known my whole life.  I spent the afternoon sitting on her footstool like I normally did catching her up on the little details of our family.  She held Miles and marveled at how much he'd grown since she'd seen him last.  The two of them laughed together and you could see that Miles brought her a lot of joy.

There were plans to get together the next weekend to celebrate summer birthdays and grandma and grandpa's 65th anniversary a month early.  We went and I was shocked at how much had changed in a week.  Grandma was such a dark eerie yellow color.  She stayed out in her chair but didn't make conversation and dozed most of the afternoon away.  However, she was quite chipper when on the phone with a loved one who couldn't make it and responded 'oh pretty good' in her singsong voice when asked how she was doing.  In spite of all the pain and discomfort, I never once heard her complain about it.  Grandma put on a brave face and did all sorts of pictures with us all as everyone but three grandkids had made it back for the event.  When I hugged her to go I whispered 'goodbye' instead of my normal 'see you later'.  Miles lunged for Grandma and laid his head on her bosom and grinned up at her and she laughed and said 'pretty boy with such dark eyes'  Such a sweet memory for me to cherish.

The next weekend Phil and Miles and I went down but we left the older kids with his mom.  I knew grandma was bad off and was afraid that the kids would bother her.  Mostly I wanted to see my family and as we're all spread apart across the states we don't see each other often.  Grandma slept the whole time, and instead of waking her we just peeked in.  It was the sweetest thing to see my grandpa snuggled up close holding her tight.  I left knowing a phone call would be coming in the next few days telling of her passing.

As each day passed I was surprised that grandma was still holding on.  Then thursday the 18th Miles pooped at 6:15 am.  Right as I get him placed on the changing table my phone rang.  I think to myself, it's too early for Cheryl to be calling it's gotta be dad.  Sure enough it was the call, grandma had passed at 5:30 that morning.  I went back to bed and cried in Phil's arms.  Even when you're prepared for such news the reality of a loved ones passing still hits like a ton of bricks.  Later that morning I cried in my friends' arms.  And that afternoon when I realized that Grandma was holding our angel babies Zara and Caeles I cried some more.  I cried so much on Thursday that by evening time my eyes couldn't focus.

Friday July 19, Grandma's funeral.  Since everyone was able to make it at some point to see grandma before she died, it was a brief graveside service.  My dad was the officiate and when he read from 1Corinthians 15 it was all I could do to keep myself from singing this song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o8QVwC6RWUc.
We all said the Lord's prayer, psalm 23, and sang Jesus Loves Me.  Then my aunt placed Grandma's ashes in the ground.  As it was a sweltery 95 degrees with some fantastic humidity we all left quickly.  After the luncheon we went back to Grandpa's house to divvy up the possessions.  My Grandma was a packrat and kept everything.  While it was difficult for her daughters to go through the mountains of possessions, us grandkids found it pretty stunning to receive all of the artwork back that we had given over the years.  Grandpa wanted everyone to have her things, so we all picked out some hankies, christmas ornaments, and jewelry.  Never once was there an argument over who got what.  Grandma even had some amazing hats thanks to her sister's early passing.  My girls were thrilled with all of the screw back earrings that no one else wanted, and grandma's heels that no one else could use.  I also inherited all of her canning jars, and sewing supplies.  Our van was stuffed full of boxes which I look forward going through in the coming days.

The hardest part about yesterday was the cold slap of reality that Grandma really was gone.  I just kept expecting to see her toddle down the hall with a smile on her face and a 'hi all'.  But all things considered when death is in the picture it was the perfect goodbye.