Estate Auction

Tissue Notice, I went through more than a handful writing this!

Yesterday was my grandparents' estate auction.  I had been dreading this event from the moment I heard it was happening.  The idea of strangers pilfering through their belongings and then hauling them away was unsettling.  I told Phil that I didn't want to even be there.  However, I knew myself well enough to know that, as hard as it may be, if I didn't go I'd regret it down the road.

The original plan was to get there ahead of time, see everything laid out along with the antiques that even my mother had never seen, and then journey on down the road to Omaha for a lego robotics convention.  Plans changed though as Phil and I both had a rough night of sleep.  Miles didn't sleep worth a hoot which meant I didn't either, and Phil couldn't sleep as he is just starting to walk this grief stricken road of losing a beloved grandparent.  His Papa Zlomke passed early Friday morning and with it being the last day of the trimester Phil was so busy he didn't get to process that information until evening.  With a heavy heart, Phil wasn't so sure that he wanted to try and pretend to be chipper and drive all over the countryside.  We are learning that grief is very taxing on one's energy.

We ended up staying for the whole auction.  My heart paused when I saw everything laid out.  There were so many things I had never seen, so in that respect it was like any other auction.  There were just as many objects that had lots of memories attached, trinkets from around the house, and the furniture.  Like Phil said, seeing grandpa's chair sitting empty against the wall was the final piece of closure that yes, he's really gone, this era is really over.  It was the hardest part of the auction.  That, and seeing the bed that they breathed their last in, and their chairs.  I kept having to turn my head and not look, because as upsetting as it was to see them empty of my grandparents' presence, the times I glanced and saw strangers sitting and trying them out was worse.  Part of me wanted to run and shoo them away, and the other part agreed with my dad when he said 'I just want to tell them to treat them well as there are so many precious memories'

I am very glad to have stayed the whole time.  It allowed me to complete the journey of losing my grandparents in the physical realm.  Moreso, I am proud to have been there to support my parents and aunt who were all very close.  My dad worked side by side with my grandpa for almost a decade and was just as much of a son to grandpa if not more than his own.  I am glad that God gave me the strength to get through the day with only minimal tears, so I could be the arms that held them all tight and offer the love they needed.

At the end of the auction there were some boxes of random items that didn't sell.  We offered to take a load to goodwill for my Aunt and ease her burden.  I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw the lamp that had sat by my grandma's chair sitting amongst the boxes.  I had secretly wanted that lamp, but didn't feel it right to ask as I already had so many of their possessions.  Aunt Connie said to take it and Phil said keep it and I smiled as I loaded up the lamp.  My friend told me that my guardian angel knew I needed it and saved it back for me.  Phil and I sorted through the boxes last night (some had books which we wanted to keep).  I opened one and there on the top was grandpa's glass.  I caught my breath and then ran sobbing into Phil's arms, I wasn't expecting to see that.  I was surprised that it wasn't with the rest of the set, and I held it back to keep for now.

This has been a hard road to journey.  I am grateful for the love that has surrounded me.  Phil never once questioned my need to go, he supported me through every trip.  Driving us down, holding my hand when we left while I stared out the window with tears streaming down my face.  Our budget is very tight and the gas allotment allows for one out of town trip a month.  Financing never came up, if I needed to go we went.  I didn't realize this until after the fact and it caused me to cry tears of gratitude.  It's made my love for Phil grow, and to appreciate that he is emotionally tuned in to my needs.  I just hope that I can be half as amazing to him as we say goodbye to his grandpa this week as he has been for me.